Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Last Great Debate of 2008

A longtime friend of mine - the lovely and talented Michelle - is now signing all of her communications with "Hussein" as her middle name. It's catching on and I think everyone should do so in solidarity with Obama.

We're at 37 minutes in the countdown to Debate #3. I cannot post a whole recap tonight - those suckers took hours to write out. I shall provide some short commentary, however. As usual, I'm stuck on CNN. At this point, it looks as though Obama has it in the bag. If McCain has something REALLY BIG on Obama, I would say it's now or never, buddy.

Oh! Listen to this: McCain has apparently been covertly seeing Obama fans. He names "Joe" - an audience member at one of Obama's appearances - as an example of someone who will SUFFER if Obama becomes president. Where did McCain find Joe? Did they meet in a dark alley? A strip club? The third phone booth on the right? Did he have "Joe" kidnapped by four guys in a van? Stop the class warfare! McCain commands. McCain reveals that "Joe" is a plumber. Is he like Joe Six-Pack? Anyway, "Joe" told him that Obama wants to spread the wealth around. I think that Joe the Plumber - McCain's new covert BFF - is clearly a double agent. I, for one, don't trust Joe the Plumber. He's two-faced.

FYI: I will not be commenting on the "mood lines" or the HDTV disk treat fun tonight. I don't care anymore.

Hillary is in the audience tonight. There was some speculation about whether Obama would give her a shout-out. He...did not.

Across the board spending freeze is a bust, Obama says. It never works. There are a lot of "screwy things" we end up paying for, he adds. We need a new direction.

McCain tells Obama that if he wanted to run against GWB, he should have run four years ago. What's THAT supposed to mean? Is Johnny trying to make Barack mad? Obama rightly points out that McCain voted "vigorously" with GWB.

Negative campaigning? McCain is hurt, y'all. Unfair and inappropriate! His eyes well up. Obama didn't keep his word. He hasn't told the American people the truth.

Obama: 100% of McCain's ads have been negative, not issue-oriented. We need to change the subject already!

Joe the Plumber is revisited again. Joe heard no repudiation of Obama's black lies!

Obama calls McCain out on the Palin rally "Kill him!" remarks. Palin did nothing to stop it. But Obama is willing to overlook this for the sake of Joe the Plumber. Eh, I don't get it either.

McCain says the people at his rallies are good and patriotic!

Obama: Let's disagree without being disagreeable.

McCain: ACORN is destroying the fabric of our democracy!

Obama: Ayers seems to be the center of your campaign, John. Bill Ayers is a professor I served with on a board (and he lists everyone else on that board). I'm not affiliated with ACORN.

Obama rises above and doesn't trash Saran Palin when asked why his VP choice is better. McCain retorts that Sarah understands "special needs families." Obama rises above YET AGAIN and compliments Sarah P.

McCain is compelled to tell us that Obama had a "cockamamie" plan to split Iraq into three countries. He adds that now, Iraqis are living in peace and harmony as one people.

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha! Visions of Sunni and Shia holding hands and singing "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" amidst the not yet repaired rubble. Embracing each other in the streets! Cake for everyone!

McCain: Start the drilling, baby! Build dozens of nuclear (or nucular, if you prefer to follow Bush and Palin's stellar example of pronunciation) plants everywhere!

Obama: This is one of our most important priorities. We can't drill our way out of this. I believe in free trade but all agreements aren't GOOD agreements. What we have now is not GOOD free trade practices.

McCain: I really appreciate Obama's eloquence, but you need to pay attention to the words he uses (that's secret code for "he's Black and uppity"). He said we need to "look into" drilling.

SF: YES! Obama thinks we should study it in a timely fashion, be smart about it, do it the right way if it must be done. No "drill, baby, drill," but "make informed decisions."

McCain disses Obama for "never having been south of our border". He rolls his eyes. He's being super cat-tay tonight with the sarcasm, the grimaces and the eye-rolling.

Obama: CLEAN energy.

McCain: Obama loves Hugo Chavez with no preconditions!

As Obama explains his healthcare plan, McCain looks at him as if he's grown a second head. Theatrics...bah. Now he blames much of our healthcare problems on fat children. Yeah...they don't vote so you can feel free to throw them under the bus.

Woop! Joe the Plumber is back. Joe doesn't want to pay for Obama's plan. John KNOWS Joe.

Didn't John steal Joe in the first place? I bet there is no Joe.

McCain looks to be horror-stricken by Obama as he shreds McCain's healthcare plan. Now McCain declares that Joe the Plumber is rich in Obama's eyes. (!?) Joe wanted to buy his business, McCain declares on Joe's behalf. What else does McCain know about Joe? His hat size? Pepsi or Coke? Blondes, brunettes or redheads? Mayo or Miracle Whip?

McCain boasts about his new plan where you can go out of state for your medical needs. What if you live in Alaska? Canada still appears to be a better option! Still yapping about Joe the Plumber, McCain cracks SF up by calling Obama "Senator Government."

Roe v Wade? McCain would NEVER apply a litmus test for Supreme Court Justices. He voted for Breyer and Ginsberg, even though he thinks Roe v Wade was a mistake. Obama says that he will look for judges with an intellect and a feel for what the public is going through.

SF: Boo for both of you. Obama? You have this in the bag, you can start being honest now. Pro-choice is not, in fact, the DEBIL's tool.

McCain: We need to change the culture of America. Those of us who understand being pro-life understand this.

SF: SCARY TALK!! That scares me, Mr. McCain!

Obama: Abortion is such a difficult subject. We must somehow come together. Education is the answer (which evokes much eye-rolling from McCain.)

McCain: Obama is bamboozling you again with his eloquence. "Mother's health" can be interpreted any way those heathens want now!

Obama: Education must be reformed completely. Tuition for community/global service.

McCain: It's the civil rights issue of the 21st Century! We can't keep throwing money at it! We must find bad teachers new jobs.

(Like, sleeping with the fishes? Boy, that sounded a tad threatening.)

Obama: No vouchers. More college accessibility.

McCain: You're not paying attention. (Hey - take it easy Mr. Grouchy-Pants!) Vouchers for all (white) people! Head Start needs to be reformed, not funded.

McCain: These are difficult times. America needs a new direction. We've had a healthy debate here. We have to stop the spending. Can you trust us? I've spent my entire life in service of this country, as has every McCain male ever. Joe? Meet me in the third stall of the Mezzanine Men's Room in ten minutes.

Obama: Tough times. I'll work tirelessly. Elect me. Who the hell is Joe?

AFTERMATH:

Adorable Anderson Cooper and Wolf Jackyl joke about Joe the Plumber. They'll get to the bottom of this!

Paul Begala calls McCain Grumpy McNasty! Ha! That's like Filthy McNasty!

Well, tie me to a tree and ____ me! Everyone agrees that McCain was wonderfully strong. Obama was on defense, they say. This was not Obama's best moment.

I object! What debate were you fools watching?

Ooop...Soledad O'Brian just asked her Ohioan Undecided's: Why no resonance with Joe the Plumber? No one really liked Joe the Plumber at all!

I wonder if Joe the Plumber has a Facebook page?

The rest of this analyzing charts and poll numbers is just silliness. I'm done with it.

Sheena Hussein Fury - I like the sound of it!

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