High Drama in the Hay-ouse.

Where to even begin? 

This country is facing a problem heretofore unheard of, untested, unimaginable and truly confounding. It's impossible to take a side because it's impossible to figure out who is telling (or knows) the truth, and who is trying to get away with something downright indecent. Politicians are trying to cover their asses - their constituencies are bloomin' mad. But do the American people have the proper information to decide what the right action is and what actions are unnecessary? Are they willing to live with the consequences?

I'm actually pleased to see the public in a fighting mood here, instead of acting like a bunch of docile sheeple, letting their elected officers make backroom deals that benefit said officers instead of their constituents. I heard so many e-mails from regular folks read on air, supporting a "nay" vote on the new and improved Bailout Plan. It seems like the majority of American citizens, Repub and Dem alike, are NOT on board this time. And naturally, the Representatives need to please the voters, or they won't be representing much longer.

I intended to write about "low expectations" today, but the news directed me elsewhere. Since low expectations are at the heart of this year's election, however, that must necessarily be a running  thread in all of my politically-themed blogs, at least until the election. 

GWB is the poster child for low expectations. Soon after he was handed the 2000 election by Uncle Antonin, my father came up with the theory that GWB had won votes from white middle class males because he showed them that they, too, were smart enough to be president. GWB was the guy everyone wanted to have a couple of beers with. He was non-threatening to white men even though he might be the guy who would towel-snap you in the locker room, doing that "heh heh heh" chuckle. He wasn't a New England snob, even though he was, in fact, a New England snob. But the whole Bush family are enigmatic, with their ties to Saudi Arabia, their interest in oil, their friends in high places. I've studied the Bush family - y'all might find that the research is both entertaining and terrifying.

On to the Plan, though. I ended up watching the congressional debate yesterday morning, followed by the voting insanity and the stock market plunge. I have a little commentary about all that.

The late night/early morning started out with an emphasis on Pelosi's statement that "the party is over for Wall Street." Pelosi (who really looked like she needed a nap) made it sound as if "Chip" was in trouble with Mom for throwing a kegger in the country club cabana. It even reminded me of a photo I saw in Rolling Stone several years ago of Bush and his frat bros partying. Bush himself was hanging off a staircase, mouth agape, a bottle of Jack Daniels in hand. This guy is president material? No, it's just the birth of low expectations. Dozens of politicians, hell, hundreds of thousands of Americans, have since jumped on that bandwagon, including, of course, Sarah Palin. I'll squash her like a bug sometime later.

Talk about low expectations - the bleedin' writer of the crawl lines at the bottom of CNN's TV screen can't spell for his/her life!  Couldn't they find any college grad to man the crawler correctly? Has the current generation coming into adulthood been taught to read and write? Have we coddled them so much as children that "low expectations" is the best we can hope for? Is it systematic? Is this country so like Orwell's 1984 that the goal of TPTB (and who knows who THEY are) are striving to "dumb down" the people until they become utterly docile, easily brainwashed by propaganda and systematically uneducated? Is it the goal that the youth today respond only to "newspeak," whatever form it takes?

Is this all about Elitism for Dummies when it comes to the upper classes?

How does one ever find out if this is truly a catastrophe in the market? No one - across the board - seems to understand what this economic crisis is really about. It's inexplicable! Does that make it easier to pass this crazy, created on the fly Plan? 

As GWB makes his appearance at 7:45 a.m. EDT (4:45 a.m. PDT) he uses language that is just a little too confusing for most, with interjections about why it's going to be "great for (my) community." Huh? You mean you're doing your best, Mr. President, to take care of the guy on "Main Street"? (And why has the middle class now been renamed Main Street? EVERYONE seems to have received that memo.) 

I can't pretend to understand economics but I am helped tremendously by CNN's Christine Romans, who frankly looks like she's about to lose it this morning, but has to temper herself. According to Christine, this Plan is all about "unfreezing credit." It's really not about helping families with devalued property and mortgage troubles. It's about "toxic assets." Even Christine fails to explain what toxic assets are and how they are powerful enough to throw not just the U.S., but the entire global markets into chaos. The majority of families shouldn't expect to be aided by this Plan.

The 110 page Plan is available to read online, and I plan to go have a look at it, but really? it won't matter in the end, because the champagne's already been drunk, the coke has already been snorted, the whores have been paid. Meh. I know that's not entirely fair but I used to work across the street from San Francisco's version of Wall Street and those brokers and bankers and lenders were like a pack of really evil frat boys, jumping into their Porsches and yelling to each other about hawt chicks and rawkin' parties.

Christine Romans tells me that this Plan will enable borrowing and that will help employers make their payrolls. But wait, isn't my employer in the black? Why does my employer have to borrow to pay me? Christine says that graduating college students shouldn't look forward to getting a real job for quite a while, whether the Plan passes or not. What does that mean for high school graduates? How about the drop-outs? Anyone foresee crime going up?

I've just received an e-mail from Michael Moore, begging me to contact my representatives and candidate Obama with the message NOT to pass this Plan. MM certainly uses some of the same tactics the Repubs use in that he creates fear and panic himself. I sent an e-mail to Obama anyway, asking him to PLEASE call some of these bastards out. Don't be cautious, Superhero Obama! Go get the bad guys! Yeah, I know, but I truly am looking for a hero in this huge mess.

CNN is really fiesty this morning (Monday)! The anchors all look stunned and slightly angry themselves. Christine has turned red and her voice is quavering. She looks like she really wants to tell us something but she can't. Why do I find myself agreeing with fucking Newt Gingrich lately? He thinks Paulson should have offered a dishonorable resignation months ago. He was probably busy on a yacht doing lines with rock stars. Okay, that was unfair. Sorry. I'm not going to delete it, though. (Gawd, I can't wait to be light and funny again.)

Senator Christopher Dodd assures us that this is not a Wall Street bailout. Well, how come all the investment houses are closing down and they're the ones who need immediate rescuing?Credit is based on nothing, right? It's based on a promise to pay back the money. I've always been ascairt of credit. I'm an under the mattress girl. I don't like the idea of being in debt to anyone. That's the kind of thing that makes me lose sleep. If I can't afford the entire price of something, well, I'll just have to wait until I can pay for it in full.

So, what if we had an "education crisis/catastrophe" that cost $700B to fix? That's kind of interesting because WE DO have that crisis, at least in every American city.  In Cali, our Governator, whose budget still hasn't passed after 80-some days, has threatened to lower all State workers' salaries to minimum wage. Why hasn't Maria kicked his ass? What if a kid who has to attend school without books and materials, in falling apart classrooms in decrepit buildings, with teachers who earn barely enough to get by, sued the government on behalf of the million kids like him, for $2 billion? The case would never be heard by any judge in the State. The legislature would laugh out loud! Education used to be something the government provided for our tax dollars, no?

A couple asides:

I don't understand why people like "stories" from their candidates. What are we, a country of idiots? Do people put less rational thought into voting than they do planning a meal? They vote with their gut? That's illogical, Mr. Spock!

Mein Gott in Himmel! Colombia, as in the country, has an ad campaign now, luring visitors to the country where "what you thought in your head, will change in your heart." (Something like that.) Their other slogan is, "the only risk is that you'll want to stay." Ha! So, a jeep full of cocaine commandos with Uzis won't shoot me in the streets? Really, I would love to go to Colombia.  I'm sure it's interesting and beautiful and I do speak Spanish, but I'm sure this ad is running in very limited markets. It's probably running in L.A. where rich white liberals are threatening to leave the country if McCain wins. That's so retro. They said the same thing when Bush stole the 2004 election and they still haven't left.

The Congressional Debate:

Sheila Jackson Lee (D - Houston) tears it up, as usual. With anger and honesty, she asks why we should buy that which doesn't exist (toxic assets)? Like a dozen congressmen who have spoken before her, both Repub and Dem, she is virulently opposed to the Plan. You go, Sheila! Why does it seem like black representatives are the most honest mavericks in politics? Well, most of them.

Whether Dem or Repub, it's beginning to seem like everyone is against the Plan so far.  It's all kinds of amazing to see the two parties working together in league against Bush & Co. If only this had happened while GWB was still actively in office. Now, he's just a dumb lame duck trying to loot the coffers for his friends before he leaves office.

John Campbell (R - Newport Beach, CA) finally shouts out for the other side. The economy will collapse if we don't pass it, he implores. 

Ginny Brown (R - Dade County, Fla.), on the other hand, shouts that this Plan is EXTORTION! Foreign banks will get special treatment! There will be no restrictions, no guarantees! She concludes by saying that this is embarrassing and a shame upon the nation.

Everyone chatters in the House. There's no lying around and napping in Congress today! 

The "nay" arguments really make more sense to me. They're more well thought out and compelling. Rep. LaTourette of Ohio makes me wonder why the Repubs are making sense today. What malfunction in the Universe is at play? The argument that giving a third of the annual budget to corporate welfare is not only stupid, it breaks all the rules of a free market system, has me shaking my head, not nodding it. I'm all for regulations but that's a non-issue at this moment in time. There was no regulation before, so let's save that for a time when it can be properly debated and enacted. 

Pelosi talks in circles during her alloted time. I'm pissed because she's my representative, from San Francisco, and she should be the right kind of maverick for such a progressive city. She avoids saying what side she's on, unlike any other speaker before her, and blames everything on Bush. Clinton=big surplus! Bush=decimation of said surplus! How did it creep up on us, like a cat? she asks. She talks in yet more circles about how terribly everyone (Wall St. and the Repubs) have behaved. She shouts out her love for Barney Franks: He was the guiding force of the whoa! brigade. NO MORE compensation for CEO's, she declares. They're making unconscionable amounts of money! We had NO help from the Administration, she adds. She wants to approve this Plan, though. Damn you, Nancy! You're from San Francisco! Let your freak flag fly! Don't give GWB & Co. the win! 

Nancy continues with talk about being bipartisan - yeah, it's a bipartisan effort to vote nay! Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R - Minnesota) has just agreed with me on that.

Rahm Emmanuel (D - Chicago) says capitalism needs guidance from the government. He never says how he'll be voting, though, which leads to louder chatter from the peanut gallery.

And now, Rep. Engils (R - S. Carolina) wants the Plan passed. Weird. Both parties are clogged by infighting.

Here's Kucinich! My favorite! He's all about distressed households and mortgages. He is so brief in his remarks, I can't figure out how to appreciate them. I don't even know how he'll vote. What a disappointment! 

The Rep. from Queens, NY, rambles about drunks and makes an analogy about drunk drivers. He likes the plan, but because I haven't understood his remarks, I don't know why. Waxman (D - Los Angeles) is a "yea" vote, and he's quite eloquent though I hate his piggish nose.

The chatter reaches new decibel levels as Roy Blunt (R - Missouri) makes a statement in favor of the plan/bailout/buy-in that is compelling. He's concerned about no college loans being issued, no lending to small businesses, no car loans. He is certain that if the Plan doesn't pass, "Main Street" will be hit hard. 

Markey (D - Mass) agrees completely with Blunt. We MUST pass this bill to survive. So, now, we've got bipartisan agreement on the "yea" side, too.

Barney Frank (D - Mass.) yields himself three minutes. Crisis means you can't have everything you want, he says. We've got to put in something for the poor people! We have to protect the poor people! This kind of comes out of the blue for me. I haven't previously heard that the poor will receive anything from this Plan. I like Barney very much, but he hasn't convinced me that this Plan will benefit anyone but predatory lenders, Wall Street crooks, foreign banks (who will be receiving "special treatment" under the Plan) and CEO's of various institutions. Nevertheless, he pleads that we must compromise.

(applause)

Boehner (R - Ohio) calls the plan a "mud sandwich." That's pretty good! I've never heard that before. And he's a "yea." What's in the best interest of our country? he asks. Not what's best for YOU.

(applause)

Thank OGG, they're finally ending the yielding. Barney Frank is very glad to announce that we will be wrapping up soon, but we have one final speaker.

Wildly enough, this final speaker, Hoyer (D-Maryland), speaks of GWB respectfully! What's your damage, dude? You should be enraged!

And there they go...off to bail out Wall Street. Suckers.

I put history on pause as I go tinkle. 

OMG! The "nays" are leading! It's like a basketball game watching the two scores going up and down, then tying. There are still 86 congressmen to vote and the "nays" lead by eight. These sly bastards and bastardettes totally waited until the last minute in the name of brattiness and drama. I must say, I'm inclined to vote "nay," myself, but it's very risky! Go rebel Congress! Show GWB who's boss around there!

And the "nays" win handily! 

The Repubs have provided the majority of the nay-sayers (literally!), but two thirds of Democrats voted "nay," too.

ORDER! ORDER! The poor page guy keeps yelling ORDER! but no one is being orderly. All the Reps are huddling together everywhere trying to figure out how to get votes changed. Nothing's changing, though.

The market plunges to -600. Now it's at -453.  Now -500.

Everone continues to ignore the ORDER! guy. Finally Madame Speakerwoman says "Order" in a small voice (because she's no doubt sick) and everyone settles down for a minute.

We have officially entered the Twilight Zone. One of the strangest, most confusing, chaotic, unprecedented, stomach-turning zones the country has ever seen. No one knows what to do, how to proceed. To make things even more confusing, it's Rosh Ha Shana (thanks, Wikipedia), and members need to be at home with their families. How many Jewish Representatives do we have, anyway?

The Aftermath:

The "yea-sayers" blame their defeat on Pelosi's "inappropriate" statement, which they say was unapologetically partisan and snippy. The Repubs are MAD at Pelosi. Blunt hopes the stock market crash will motivate the "nays" to become "yea's."

Stock market? -777 pts., the largest point drop (as opposed to percentage drop) in history.

Do we even have a functioning government now?

When can I start writing funny blogs again? 

The Great Debate #1

First, if I were planning a Friday night dinner party for a guest of honor, and if that honorable guest told me on Tuesday that he may or may not be attending, and then I didn't hear squat from him until Friday afternoon? I'd be pissed awf. A random black street dude interviewed in Oxford, Miss., said it best: It's a question of manners. That guy doesn't have any manners. 

In light of my last post, perhaps I shouldn't share that I have an HD Widescreen TV, but I am surprised to learn that I will get special treats because of my HD TV ownership status. On CNN, I can watch as the pundits mark on a circle-thingy whether they think Obama has landed a right jab or McCain forgot to point his toes. It really is becoming like a sporting event! Who are my pundits?  Bill Bennet, who I couldn't care less about. There's John King. Who cares? Someone Borger? I don't know who that is. Paul Begala, sure, okay, but do I really need to know his every emotion in real time? Donna Brazille. Again, a great gal, but I think we all know whose side she's on.  And Castellanos? Pardon my ignorance, but I'm not familiar with him, either. One can't be familiar with EVERY pundit, after all. 

Oh! Christiana Amanpour is there! She can do anything she wants - I adore her. She can drink Gimlets and juggle for all I care. But wait. She's not an official pundit? She doesn't get to participate in the HD TV pundit card fun? Bah. That's ridiculous.

Okay! Here we go! Obama even has his flag pin on. 

Obama: Thank you, (everyone). Trickle down economics don't work. 

McCain: Thank you, (everyone). I'm a kindly old man and I want to give a shout out to Ted Kennedy, because I'm the ultimate bipartisan! Beware, fellow Americans, this is only the end of the beginning of the economic catastrophe, which only I can resolve. FEAR FEAR FEAR! Greed is rewarded, corruption is rewarded! I'll change all that! 

SheenaFury: You will? Really? How so?

Obama: The shit only hits the fan when the powerful rich who can hire lobbyists suffer.

McCain: Bend over labor, I'm about to kiss your ass! 

HD TV TREAT NEWS: Castellanos seems to be busiest on this newfangled device, he's given Obama and McCain one "bad" mark each, three "good" marks for McCain and two for Obama. Bennett is slow on the draw with only one "good" mark for McCain. Brazille has one "good" mark for McCain and two for Obama. Borger apparently can't figure out the buttons.

Obama: No trickle down economy, but bottom up economy!

McCain: I didn't win Miss Congeniality in the Senate.

SF: Did that crypt-keeper of a wife of yours win anything?

Obama: I don't know where John gets his numbers. BUSH BUSH BUSH. 

SF: If McCain thinks a $5000 tax credit will take care of a family's medical expenses, he must only have those "moles" removed once a year. I don't know who his doctor is but I guess they have a "relationship." Old Civil War buddies, mayhaps.

Obama: McCain wants to tax healthcare!

McCain gets a very tiny credit from SF for using the word "festooned."

The "audience reaction" lines at the bottom of the screen remain steady...or dead, maybe.

Obama: Oil companies will get a four billion dollar tax credit under McCain! Folks are declaring bankruptcies over medical bills! We need to educate our kids! The infrastructure needs repair! 

Obama chuckles at McCain's sarcasm: "He's so far to the left, it's hard to reach across the floor! Heh heh heh."

29 minutes and we've had NO specifics. Jim Lehrer begs these two to ANSWER THE QUESTIONS!

Obama: We must change the Lobbyist culture!

SF: Woot! Woot!

McCain: There must be a spending freeze on everything but military spending!

Obama: No more war spending!

SF: Woot! Woot!

McCain is proud of his work on the climate. 

SF: You mean on planet Earth?

Obama: What are our priorities? Giving the powerful tax cuts or fixing health care?

McCain: Obama has too many spending projects. Restrain spending!

Obama calls McCain out on his 90% agreement with Bush record.

McCain again refers to not having won Miss Congeniality. That must have been really hard on him what with the repetition.  No doubt he's a Sandra Bullock hater. 

McCain: The American people know me and Sarah well. We're MAVERICKS! I never agreed on war strategy, but NOW, after the SURGE, we are winning the war! VICTORY is at hand! 

Obama: But why did we go to war in the first place? We have to use our military wisely.

SF: Word, Barrack.

Meanwhile, on the pundit scorecard front, Bennet is surprisingly fair with three "good" marks for each candidate.  Hee! Castellanos has given Obama 11 "good" marks! That's four more than Begala, at 7. McCain is losing on everyone's circle-thingy scorecard. (Thank OGG I have HDTV!)

Uh oh. Obama goes on attack mode with McCain - you were WRONG, he says. You think the war began in 2007?

Obama doesn't know the difference between a tactic and a strategy, McCain retorts. There is peace and prosperity in Iraq now! And Obama voted "no" on defense spending!

Obama: McCain didn't care about the timetable. I did, which is why I didn't vote for spending.

We need more troops in Afghanistan!

McCain: Surgity McSurge Surge Surgey with Surge on top! McCain knows ALL about warmongering! There will be WINNING and VICTORY!

SF: Why must there be VICTORY and WINNING in Iraq? Haven't we put them through enough already? And, while we're on the subject, what exactly defines VICTORY and WINNING, please?

Obama wants more troops in Afghanistan, like, months and years ago. The Taliban and Al Qaeda are emboldened, yo! There WAS no AQ before we attacked Iraq, he points out. We must press the Afghan government. 

4763 brownie points for Obama, who is the first politician EVER to mention the eradication of the Afghan poppy fields. D'oh!  

Obama: We've given billions to Afghanistan and nothing has been accomplished.

McCain, who for some reason won't look at Obama, regrets the history of aiding Afghanistan and Pakistan. But he says he's not ready, like Obama the fierce warmonger (?!), to make an enemy of Pakistan. "Don't say things out loud," he advises Obama, concerning the very public plans Bush & Co. have to move into Pakistan on the sly. 

McCain: Don't ever talk out loud about invading Pakistan. I know Pakistan. I'm an expert on Pakistan. 

SF: Johnny! You didn't even know that Pakistan was a democracy before Musharraf staged a military coup!

Obama: Pot? Meet kettle. What about your remarks about the extinction of N. Korea? We alienated Pakistan when things were dandy! (He didn't really say "dandy." If it's not clear by now, I'm paraphrasing.) We coddled Musharraf! We spent 10 billion dollars and nothing has changed!

McCain: I don't think Obama understands. I supported Kosovo because of ethnic cleansing. I have a record of being involved. (Trots out "sad soldier story.") Mothers of dead soldiers! I was in a war! Look at me! We'll muddle through!

Obama: Obviously we honor our troops. What about decision making at home, though? We took our eye off Afghanistan. Muddle through? STFU, honky! 

Obama: Iraq's Republican Guard is a terrorist group now. Iran's power grew as result of war in Iraq. We must avoid a mid-east arms race. We need tough diplomacy. Not talking to people in order to punish them is stupid.

McCain becomes enraged. Talks with no preconditions? Give a propaganda forum for bad guys?It will legitimize them!

SF: Not so much, probably. I think we can rest assured that France, Brazil and California will not turn Muslim overnight.

Obama: Akmenahjidad (sp.?) may not be the most important guy in Iran. 

SF: Obama am SMART.

Obama: Kissinger, McCain's advisor, agrees with me. Diplomacy may not work all the time, but why not give it a try? With no engagement with N. Korea, they doubled their nuclear armaments. McCain won't even talk to Spain!

SF: Ay! Que bueno!

McCain: Obama doesn't seem to understand. It's DANGEROUS! Obama doesn't seem to understand. Obama doesn't seem to understand. Obama doesn't seem to understand. Obama doesn't seem to...cue, please?

Obama: We can't take action without talking first.

McCain: I've known Kissenger for 35 years! 

And now we move onto Russia...

Obama: The whole Russian deal needs to be re-evaluated. We need to affirm democracies in the region. We should insist that Georgia and Estonia be allowed to determine their future. Let's try concentrating on things we have in common - nuclear proliferation, etc. We have a new, aggresive regime in Russia. We can't stare into Putin's eyes and see his soul.

SF: Isn't he dreamy?

McCain: I was interested in Obama's recation to the Georgia invasion. He said "both sides need to show restraint." He just doesn't seem to understand. Russia is fueled by oil and is run by the KGB!  I saw it in Putin's eyes! 

SF: Does that mean Putin and GWB's bromance is off?

McCain: I have spent a lot of time in Estonia, dammit! I went to Georgia once! Ukraine is a very serious problem! DANGER! FEAR! TERROR!

Obama: I told Bush a long time ago, "We need to help fix the Georgian economy. Why are Russian peacekeepers in Georgia, anyway?" See? This is why we need our own energy to avoid these kind of problems. We can only produce 3% of the world's oil, but we use 25%.  McCain voted 24 times against new energy R&D! 

McCain (interrupting...again):  I feel safer now than on 9/11 in re terrorism at home. I am VERY proud of my LONG history of reaching across the aisle. Me and Leiberman called for a 9/11 commision. We were stymied at first! Intelligence needs to be improved. I KNOW our allies! 

SF: Of course we know that Palin will be helpful as she can SEE Russia. 

McCain: I was responsible for a huge reorganization of government!

Obama: We have a long way to go on national security - the ports, suitcase bombs, for example. We're spending billions on missile defense, but we need to focus on Al Qaeda. We need to get together with our allies. We need to work on our perception in the world. We must restore our good name so other nations will respect us.

SF: Woot! Woot!

McCain: Obama doesn't get it...he doesn't seem to understand. If we leave Iraq, everything will be lost! 

Obama: A sole focus on Iraq has failed. Bin Laden is still out there. We are borrowing billions from China in the meantime and China is all over the world now! Everything has been viewed from the small lens of Iraq. What about other happenings in the world? What about our economy/veteran affairs/healthcare? We've put all our chips into Iraq. We need broader strategic vision.

SF: I'm yours, Barrack! Take me!

McCain: I have been here for 156 years! I have been involved in everything ever! Obama is not experienced! Obama doesn't understand! I know Veterans. They know I'll take care of them! I love them! That's going to be my cause! I have EXPERIENCE! I don't need any "on the job training."

*Vets the country over fall out of their chairs, or hospital beds*

Obama speaks of his Kenyan father and the American Dream. Now? he says, we're fucked. (He didn't really say 'fucked' but I'm sure he wanted to.) Obama wants to send a message to the world that we will invest in education, we will need hardworking immigrants. Don't stop the dreaming, potential immigrants! Don't stop thinking about tomorrow!

Wait. Wrong election theme song.

McCain: I was in prison! I can heal the pains of war!

WAIT!!! McCain isn't wearing his flag pin!

Does Cindy's red pants-suit make up for that heinous oversight?

OFFICIAL CNN ANALYSIS:

Pundit Scorecards? Just as we expected - completely non-compelling.

Pundits agree that Obama held his own and was crisp, ready-to-go. Obama had a thread he kept coming back to - the economy. He held his own.

Bennet: Round One? Obama. Round Two? McCain. McCain was the sheriff because he was on offense, not defense. McCain was masterful in naming countries he had visited.

(A quick aside) John Lennon would THROW if he knew Cisco was using his song in their ad.

Begala: Obama did not look "risky." 

Castellanos: McCain could have been knocked out tonight, but he wasn't. 

Wolf Jackyl: McCain mispronounced the Pakistani president's name.

Begala: Obama thrashed McCain on Iraq. 

Borger: McCain was patronizing - indies won't like it.

Dana Bash at Ole Miss interviews McCain advisor femmebot #8.  She says that they couldn't rehearse because of the campaign suspension (that didn't really happen.) She lies continuously. Obama is not in the same league.

Biden (Joey the Shark): John McCain is "dead wrong" about everything. John is mired in the past. John lectures Obama but doesn't know the difference between strategy and tactics. He calls BS on the false veteran schlock. Joey the Shark looks forward to answers from Palin about where we go now in Iraq. McCain is going to give 300 billion to oil, Obama says give it to reinstate the Middle Class.

SF: Go Joey!

Amanpour: First, she defines "preconditions." It's a philosophical difference between the two candidates, she instructs. The "no talking" as a punishment strategy is not working. She laughs (really!) at McCain for forgetting Achmenijad's name.

SF asks for readers to give her some slack on that tricky Pakistani's name.

Kissinger is for negotiations with Iran! Make Iran study their argument. Boo! He issues a statement that McCain is right, he never said we should talk to our "enemies" without preconditions.

SF: But I just watched you say that, dude! On tape!

Gergen: McCain has a lot of Neocons around. 

Wolf Jackyl responds to e-mails about CNN not interviewing Palin when Joey the Shark got his turn. She's...not available, he offers.

Candace Crowley: Nothing new was said, but it's always interesting to see them together.

SF: Candy? (as GWB calls her) You are useless.

Brazille: Obama was confident, comfortable. McCain just had to show up. Low expectations.

SF: I recall using a quote by none other than GWB the other day...something about low expectations...hmmmmm.

Repub Bitch #73: Obama called McCain "John." That was disrespectful. Obama is so elitist, so professorial.

Begala: Future vs Past - Obama wins.

Anderson Cooper's polls show Obama winning the debate by a landslide. All network polls have Obama winning, in fact.

Amanpour: People all over the world want our good name reinstated.

Focus Group: People were frustrated. No solutions/no answers/few homeruns. Everyone hated McCain getting angry. NATO and Russia? Everyone wanted to hear more. Automatic dial-up for energy talk. Neither candidate answered the questions. Indies are still unable to decide.

Black Caucus focus group: No one is satisfied. They wanted to hear about things that bear on them. Obama should use more personal stories, someone suggests. McCain NEVER said the words "middle class." Instead, he said "Main Street."

Crazy drunk Repubs in Vegas: Many hoots. They love McCain! His experience! His knowledge of foreign leaders! 

SF: Low expectations win again. Interesting in light of foreclosures in Nevada, though. No urgency evident concerning the economy. If McCain goes with Bush's bailout plan, he'll be tied to Bush again. 

Anderson: Who won the economic argument? 

"Candy" Crowley: That isn't normally discussed in debates - specifics are rare.

Country and state-wide polls roll in: There is a huge gender gap - women favor Obama...and old people, too!

Gergin: Obama got very lucky that the economy was the focus of half the debate.

SF: Kicks Gergin in the shin.

And before we say "au revoir" to our Debate coverage, we learn that McCain's involvement in the wicked urgent economy talks was not much. The House Repubs don't like McCain and so he only served to get everyone mad, confuse the Plan beyond all recognition, and slow everything down. VICTORY!

And just one more little bit of advice for Obama? In the future, please refrain from using the word "orgy."

GO U.S.A.!

 

It's All Freud's Fault!

It's been said that the triumph of the self is the ultimate expression of democracy - the power has finally been transferred to the people. But how can the power we hold be defined? We vote, though the 2000 and 2004 elections were suspect, and with good reason. We live to pursue happiness, and that is found through making a family (either traditional or non-traditional) owning a home or a car, perhaps. Happiness may result from watching the big game on a wide screen TV, from purchasing and sporting a new item of clothing, or buying the latest toy for a child. Some people are very happy when their lawn looks nicer than anyone else's lawn on the block. Young women buy happiness in the form of a new lipstick, purse, lash curler or pair of shoes. Boys are usually very happy to receive a video game, their favorite sports team's jersey or even a particular box of cereal.

The point is, we are a nation of consumers. If you think about it, this conspicuous consumption was not anything the Founding Fathers considered. It's certainly not a cornerstone of democracy, and nor is capitalism. A free market - laissez faire - works well with democracy, except for one major problem: greed. It would follow that Americans, tough and smart as we are, would find a way to embrace the honest and reject the greedy. But we've been hoodwinked! Now, in September of 2008, we are faced with an economy on the brink of depression, regular folks are in debt up to their shoulders and about to drown, people are losing their homes, and lenders are no longer willing to lend.

I watched the most informative documentary recently - "Century of the Self" - about Freud and his family's role in creating our consumer society.  Who knew? How did we miss this massive manipulation of our day to day lives? How different would our lives be if Sigmund Freud, his daughter Anna, and his nephew, Edward Bernays, had opened a cheese boutique instead of going on to root through our subconcious and using it to ruin lives both in Great Britain and the United States? 

Let's limit the discussion of Freud to one of his most pivotal theories - the unconscious mind and its secret desires.  In fact, let's just move right along to the second generation: Edward and Anna. During the 1920's, Edward Bernays, then living in America, had a "lightbulb moment." What if businesspeople (merchants, particularly) used Uncle Freud's theories to increase sales? What if American society could be manipulated to believe that the pursuit of happiness is the number one goal in life, and certain merchants (and later, politicians) were instrumental in achieving that happiness? 

Bernays had little trouble convincing American corporations to commit themselves to making people want things they really didn't need by linking their goods to unconscious desires. Kind of scary, you say? I'd go so far as to call it downright terrifying! Mass manipulation of the masses; the creation of the "consumer society" by appealing to our most base desires? The complicity - indeed the enthusiasm - of the government, decade after decade, is probably the most frightening aspect of the whole lousy but tremendously successful experiment.

Bernays' first big project was to convince women to smoke. With the belief that the cigarette represented the penis somehow (?! - I do not consider myself a Freudophile), he was hired by the cigarette companies to design an ad campaign that featured women who were independent, unafraid of criticism, lovers of freedom. Manly, if you will. Revolutionaries! New cigarette sales to women were impressive indeed. Bernays even managed to eroticize large hunks of steel and glass - the automobile. Cars weren't to be seen as practical any longer. Now they were...purrrrrrr, sex-ay! The trend took hold like gangbusters. Mass-producing manufacturers began to see advertising in a whole new light. Create a need, then supply it. Keep up with the Jones for gawd's sake!

As if that weren't disastrous enough for a society, Bernays considered how effective his method would be in the realm of politics. President Hoover was the first to introduce "consumerism" as a way of life. Manufacturers could first create a desire, and then satiate that desire. Hoover considered it a means of economic development. Why, the masses could be veritably controlled by brainwashing them via their unconscious desires! Brilliant! By satisfying these inner irrational needs, people could be made into sheeple - dumb, greedy, and most importantly, docile. "Happiness machines," was the term used by Bernays himself. 

Bernays, and later Anna Freud, became the de facto creators of public relations. That's such a nice, gentle term, isn't it? Sounds like something beneficial, right? Turning the American public into consumer-driven zombies, concerned only with keeping up with every trend and what's on TV tonight, is helpful to those who would like to rule us. Maybe picking rice in synchronization in China might be preferable at this point? Considering the state of the country, are we not ALL Bernay's victims, to one extent or another? First we had religion as the opiate of the masses, and now we have the purchase of useless things to lull us into compliance. Combine this with the introduction of credit cards and we've got a free-for-all (only not) of happy spending.

Bernays is now referred to as the father of propaganda. President Coolidge hired Bernays to "sex him up," which marked the first collision of government and "human needs." (Coolidge, by the way, had a mechanical bull in his bedroom. At the time it was thought to promote weight loss.) Bernays went on to work closely with the government for decades to come. He introduced the idea of a "new elite" meant to "guide" the ignorant masses. This was the first time - during the 1920's - when public control became policy. The most useful weapon for this new policy? Fear. Goebbels was an enthusiastic student of Bernays. I'm sure Karl Rove is a big fan, too.

There is more to this story of Bernays, but I shall include it in another entry, lest this gets too long and dry. Suffice it to say that Bernays (and Freud, too, as it was his theories that Bernays was manipulating) may be the OG of tearing this American society up. To be fair, Freud was beyond disturbed by how his nephew had corrupted his work, though his daughter, Anna, jumped right on the propaganda bandwagon.

If everyone was confused yesterday about this $700 billion bailout? today they are dumbfounded. McCain has been called out for his stunt and Barbie Bitch Palin keeps on giving bizarre and wrong answers to the few reporters allowed access to her. We, the blue team, have been up and down so many times in the last 24 hours, we've simply fallen quiet...and docile?

Democracy is all about power relationships. A Democracy ought to be characterized by a stable system of power sharing. Consumerism, however, is very useful in shifting these power relationships so that the "new elite" (the folks with the money) enjoy more power than regular old citizens. When we are bamboozled by people who know they can sway us via our desires, we have been robbed of our decision making powers. We are the sheeple.

Tomorrow? I think I'll tackle the ways our voting powers have been stolen right out from under us. I'll try to make it as funny as possible. 

 

EXTRA EXTRA! First Blog Ever! Corporate Welfare or Bust!

I have been threatening to blog for quite a while, and I have chosen to begin today, September 24, 2008, a day on which we are facing an historical $700 billion bailout of the bankers and lenders of America – corporate welfare, no? – or else we will all end up homeless and poverty stricken. Panic! Terror! No one really seems to understand what all is involved in this quagmire of sub-prime mortgages and non-liquid assets and mortgages all lumped together and sold to third parties, only to be broken up again and sold to fourth parties. The pundits don’t get it. I certainly don’t get it. Even the Congressional and Senate Finance Committee members don’t get it. Four guys seem to get it. The four guys Bush is working with…those four guys.

Candidate McCain has just announced that he has suspended his campaign because the congressional/senate committees, with the help of the four guys (who are said to be the most learned economics experts in the country – one is neutral), need his experience and heroism immediately and who knows for how long. Even the upcoming Presidential debate is in jeopardy, McCain is so integral to the solving of this economic catastrophe. Most Dems and Repubs, both official and laymen, along with the MEDIA, are gobsmacked. Truth is? I’ve been pleasantly surprised by many of the Repubs, who are not going into that good night gently. The American public? Pissed awf.

Is this a McCain stunt, a la the “gas holiday,” and the Barbie Bitch Palin? Is this an economic disaster that only POW Superhero McCain can miraculously and tidily fix? If that happens, everything evil about politics I have suspected is true. When you eliminate the sadness and anger, it’s really kind of funny. It's literally fantastic that a group of people could wreak such havoc with American rules and laws and social standards, whilst laughing all the way to their yachts. When you write anonymously on an anonyomous tool of communication, the Internet, you can write whatever you want, correct? I have a lot to write. I hope very little of it will be about McCain.

I saw Naomi Klein on Bill Maher's HBO show yesterday. I love that show.

*half the people reading this click out* 

I know, he can be weasely, and I hate when he talks about sex, but he provides the very best forum for open conversation on TV today, and there are usually a lot of yuks. I know I’ll always be infotained. Anyway, Klein's theory (I’ve not yet read the book) in The Shock Doctrine is that Bush and Sons Inc. create disasters in order to finally fix them, employing their friends, of course.

I’ve read many, many “conspiracy theories.” I hate that term. It connotes craziness. Some things that were considered “conspiracy theories” at first have gone on to become absolutely true. Some “conspiracy theories” are so in your face it’s a wonder everyone can’t see them. It’s like a remote control car that keeps knocking willy nilly against the wall. Over and over and over. Are people blind or crazy or stubborn not to see what is so blatantly obvious? The weather, for example, has been wildly abnormal. What could be the cause? Could it be deeper than the now obvious global warming?

Why do we need this extremely complex economic malfunction remedied, like, yesterday? No one has sufficiently explained the answer to that question yet. The public clearly distrusts politicians in general. Will we, as American citizens, collectively get it this time? Orrin Hatch assures us that this is typical hero behavior from the hero McCain. It’s all Clinton’s fault, anyway, he says. He redlined these crappy loans in the first place, Orrin declares. Maxine Waters proclaims that "they did not have their eye on the ball." I'll bet GWB lurved him some sub prime loans, though.  He probably plays horseshoes with the guys who somehow got rich off it all.

Lou Dobbs has found a way to blame the illegal immigrants. Really? Geez, I’ve never seen Barney Franks look so beat, man. What if the problem is even worse than we think? What if there is no crisis at all, but for the fast-talking of the red-colored ones. (Hey – that’s a little like the Bloods and the Crips. One side wear blue - the Crips - and the other side wear red - the Bloods. Street gangs fascinate me, as do issues of race.) Anyway, we Americans are so silly with the taking of sides and assigning of colors – like sports teams and racism. 

McCain should be on the phone right now to Chris Matthews telling him to shut his pie-hole about the Debate. If he doesn’t show up, he’s toast...and we'll be toasting. I’m sure he’ll go, though. Ah – I’m vindicated by Clarence Page of the Chicago Times. McCain BETTER debate. He was supposed to be the master debater, right? Not to be confused with...yeah.

Since this is my first blog ever, I feel I should make some sort of Mission Statement. How will you know what you can look forward to reading, otherwise? Let’s say I plan to address a wide scope of topics: Religion and politics will be biggies. Not cocktail chat. Race and racism, culture (both real and manufactured), philosophy, entertainment! I’m an L.A. girl at heart though I have lived in San Francisco for a long time. I feel safe here. I will probably write whatever I feel like writing at any given time but I imagine my character will reveal itself very early. Today I’m focusing on this indeed historic day, when corporate welfare with a dash of socialism made its debut in full blossoming color. Most of it red.

Forty percent of Americans think that Sarah Palin is capable of being President. "The bigotry of low expectations." That’s a rawkin' GWB quote, in fact. How is it that McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, was receiving $30,000 from Fannie Mae every month until last month? Is anyone out there alarmed by this fact? Obama’s numbers should be soaring, though polls aren't worth a single turd, I say. Maybe the Republican Party really has gone FUBAR? Bush has now, even as I write, invited Obama and McCain to a confab tomorrow, perhaps in an effort to repair being FUBAR. Bush and McCain will save the day together. 

Hey! I like sports!

That’s for all of you guys out there, lest you think I’m a whiny, liberal, underarm hair growing nazifem hippie type. Let me just share that I am one edgy chick. Concrete Jungle Queen am I. Eighty percent Fury and twenty percent kitten.

Oh, my. As I write while following the news, I see that we finally have a joint statement from Obama and McCain. Only Obama has written an attached non-joint statement. They’ll definitely call that uppity. I think it’s amusing that he demanded to have his own statement “protecting” the little guy. And now that things are at status quo on the political/corporate welfare front, I can watch America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway tonight.

National Rescue Plan. That must be newspeak for bailout. GWB looks great! He’s tan and less wrinkly than usual. G. “Frat Boy” W.B. looks downright calm. He has toned down his inner cowboy vibe and he appears somehow unnecessary. He says our “entire econmoy” is in danger. Mayhem is waiting to descend. My first question is – why did we just find out about this and why do we have to react IMMEDIATELY? Henny Penny, the sky is falling! Or, this could be a genuine crisis. It’s impossible to tell right now. I wonder what Naomi Klein has to say. Disaster…fix-it. Imagine if they’d moved their asses after Katrina.

As we approach the end of the newsday (only Anderson Cooper 360 is left and cute as he is, I don’t think he’s an economics whiz), the general feeling is not panic, but confusion. Widespread confusion; Confusion at the Disco!; confusion-stricken; confusion attack; confusion in the streets!   

I hope ANTM is good tonight.