The Great VP Debate: Say it ain't so, Joe!

Finally! It's the Joey and Sarah Show! Shark vs. Femmebot! I hope there's a crack medical/robotics crew backstage. Sarah may blow a fuse and Joey may sink some of them blinding white choppers into her. 

Or, as CNN pundit David Gergin projects, the crazy "Ross Perot" mood in the country may aid Sarah, what with her folksy, plain talk program #A62, designed especially by Karl Rove himself. Just how involved is Rove in this campaign anyway? Even if such involvement has been carefully hidden? Who really knows what happens down by the 'crick at Rancho McCain?

CNN is my Debate headquarters again, tonight. I like shiny bells and whistles, too. I'm an American, after all. Wolf Jackyl welcomes we viewers - he is clearly excited. These two need to show that they're ready to become the VP, and mayhaps the President, he proclaims. Now he lets us know that the two have been preparing for this momentous occasion.

SheenaFury: Or, Joey has been preparing and Sarah has been busy being pre-programmed by some wacky evil brain-enhancing device...probably developed by Goebbels himself...or maybe Bernays!

Gergin: The American public is unpredictable right now. There's a rebellious, populist vibe spreading across the country. Who knows what the public will latch onto? They may relate to Sarah. 

SF wishes the public had latched onto a real populist, like my boy Kucinich. Alas, he is not shiny...at all.

The lovely Soledad O'Brian re-explains the very complicated "mood" lines at the bottom of our screens. There is a change tonight, however. This time, the lines will represent Ohio Repubs, Dems, and Independents, who are all still undecided (?!), and will show an average of the three, only divided into men and women. There will, then, be only two lines tonight. Sweet chicken, that's hard to understand. The lines are representing what now? And for why?  I do lurve me some Soledad, I must say. She was once our local anchor here in San Fran. This is all too much, though. I think they could have created a simpler, more telling device to act as a barometer of Ohioan's moods during the debate. 

Again, we - specifically HDTV owners - will get our special circular pundit marking card fun tonight. Those without HDTV will have to suffer alone. (Who is behind this nonsense anyway?) The circle cards somehow don't seem so special tonight, though.  Begala, Borger, Castellanos, King, Ed Rollins and Rosen will be our official participants.

Sadly, my fave Christiana Amanpour is not there. Probably part of the demands-package-rider from the McCain crew. Christiana is just too much woman. According to Wolf Jackyl, the ground rules have been carefully...oh, so carefully worked out between the two campaigns. Gergin, Campbell and Toobin are sitting sidelines tonight. 

The countdown clock on the corner of the screen, which has been up since six a.m., is nearing the zero hour. Aaaaannnd, "let's go there," Wolf announces.

SF: PLEASE go there, Joey the Shark and Gwen!

PBS's Gwen Ifill announces that all of the questions have been decided by her and there will be no untoward outbursts allowed. You go, Gwen! She's got that Vicodin smile going on but she's all business. I don't much like her jacket. Just saying.

Sarah and Joey walk out, Sarah beaming. "Nice meeting you! Hey, can I call you Joe?" (wink, wink.) And that will be the first in a long series of winks to the American public tonight. She must have practiced that at Rancho McCain as well. Sarah thanks Gwen five times and the candidates take their positions.

Sarah is dressed in "serious business black," with a neutral, non-threatening lipstick shade, but she's...shiny! And such a lovely complexion! What a role model, eh? Five kids and she's managed to keep her attractive figure. I wonder if Gwen will ask her if she plans to have any more babies while in office. I guess only God knows!   

First question goes to Joe - it's on the economic bailout plan that I revile. The very second Joey the Shark opens his mouth, the Ohioan men's mood line plummets and the women's rises just slightly. Joey ticks down the list: disastrous economic policy under Bush, too much deregulation, letting Wall Street run wild, etc. 

Don't even get me started on the booze and the jets and the chicks, Joey. 

Joey continues with an emphasis on fairness to the middle class - he even says "middle class," not that idiotic and meaningless term "Main Street." No unfair profits for CEO's. Obama and I plan to focus on the Middle Class, not the rich and powerful. People could even end up making money on this "rescue plan." 

SF is still skeptical, as are Ohioan men.  

Here's something a little confusing. Though she has yet to speak, Rollins, Begala and Castellanos have already given Palin a "good" mark on thier HDTV fun cards. Has she bewitched, beguiled and bewildered them already? What is this based on? 

Sarah uses her rebuttal time to talk about Soccer Moms and FEAR.  She says "betcha" for the first of many, many times tonight. 

SP: Our economy is hurting.

SF: Ya think?

SP: McCain represents reform. Two years ago, he pushed really hard for the Fannie and Freddie reforms. He sounded that warning bell. His colleagues didn't want to listen to him. I think the alarm has been heard, though, thanks to John McCain's bipartisan reform efforts. He even suspended his campaign!

SF's head does a full 360, Linda Blair-style.

GI: How will you deal with this polarization we've seen in the last week, which you've both mentioned tonight?

J(tS)B: Well, Gwen, that's what I've done my whole career, on controversial issues, too: violins against women, thousands of new cops on the street, Bosnia... Do I have to stay on topic, Gwen?

Really! And she assents!

J(tS)B (paraphrasing, as I am wont to do): Sarah just told a whole bunch of lies. McCain has no conceivable notion of whether the economy is good or bad. He has nine houses and a couple of jets. He was clueless until two week ago, when he changed his view to the polar opposite side twice in one day.

SP: The American workforce is the greatest in this world (or, bend over, Labor, I'm gonna kiss your ass, too!) The work ethic is entrenched in our workforce. 

SF: I just shouldn't go there, right?

SP (verbatim): It's true, I have a track record of reform and I've joined a team that is a team of MAVERICKS, with John McCain, also with his track record of reform, we're known for putting bipartisan politics aside to just get the job done.

SF: Are you speaking of MAVERICKS! like Phil Graham? And, er, did they program you to believe you have already solved the country's problems with your maverick pal Johnny?

Sarah accuses Obama of voting on party lines. 

Ya mean like Johnny voting with his pal GWB 90% of the time? Like that?

SP: Let's put this special interest stuff aside and let's git down to business. I do respect your years in this business but I think the folks are craving some change. We need something new and different!

SF and Joey are somewhat perplexed by Sarah's quick yet inane answers. Joey flashes a nervous smile. SF feels a little sick.

Gwen points out that no one answered the question and offers a new one: Whose fault is it? Greedy lenders or risky homebuyers?

SP: Darn right it was the predatory lenders! There's greed and corruption on Wall St. We're going to follow up on getting rid of corruption, ya know.

As I type her words, I realize just how crazy Sarah's speechifying really is. It makes little sense, it mixes metaphors, it contradicts itself and it's based on fairy tales.

The Ohioan mood lines are both up for Sarah, here, though the men, as before, are not quite as high on her.

SP: Joe Six-Pack! Hockey Moms across the nation! I think we need to band together and say never again! Never again to ring around the collar!

I'm kidding - not about the Joe Six-pack and Hockey Moms' rally cry, though.

Wouldn't it be funny if Sarah and husband Todd turned out to be secret swingers?  Sometimes crazy things happen behind closed doors, or toilet stalls, as the Repub party well knows. Sarah would make a good Madame, I think, for an escort service, or a special Alaskan Snow Bunny Ranch. Hey, that baby daddy of her daughter's looks like he'd patronize a Snow Bunny Ranch, doesn't he, the little rascal!?

The "mood lines" are very active tonight. Both male and female Ohioans are groovin' on Sarah. I guess low expectations are paying off. The HDTV doo-hickeys are full of "good" marks for Palin, even from Begala! Castellanos is up there in Rollins territory with the "good" marks. I think he fancies himself a ladies man.

J(tS)B: Two years ago, it was Obama that questioned the sub prime loan problems. McCain wouldn't listen. He said to deregulate. Twenty times he called for more deregulation! In fact, John McCain recently wrote an article in a major magazine that he wants to do the same for the health care industry - deregulate!

Mood lines plummet. These Ohioans don't seem to like our Joey much, especially the men.

Yes! Joey tells a personal story about a guy at his local gas station. I hate 'em, but the sheeple seem to love a good "story."

Sarah gets rebellious. She wants to go back to an earlier point about taxes. (When did they talk about taxes?) 

SP: Darn right! Obama wants to increase taxes! Government is going to have to learn to live with less! Obama voted 94 times to increase taxes! Taxes, taxes, taxes! 

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

J(tS)B: Everything she just said? Is a damn lie. McCain voted the same way. Using Sarah's logic, McCain voted 477 times to raise taxes. It's a bogus claim. And, Gwen? Sarah's not answering the questions.

Gwen offers Sarah the opportunity to answer the deregulation question again.

SP: I want to go back to taxes! I may not answer the questions the way you or the "moderator" want me to, but I'm going to talk straight to the Amurican people. I want to let them know my track record.

SF: Is that even allowed?! I am gobsmacked yet again!

SP: Me, me, me! The Dems are stodgy and Johnny and I are the fiesty young rebels! We're going to...

Gwen cuts her shit off. Woot!

More $5000 medical tax credit talk. Gah! Don't get me started. I note, however, that the plan calls for "erasing state borders" so as to increase competition. Is she suggesting that we drive out of state for medical care? 

Joey goes into shark mode over taxes and Sarah takes issue. Paying higher taxes is not patriotic, she argues. She and Todd were (notice the verb tense) part of the middle class. Joey flashes his choppers again. The Ohioan men seem to like Sarah's tax talk.

Joey gets a nice laugh from the audience when he calls McCain's health plan the "ultimate bridge to nowhere." 

Sarah pretends to be interested in her notes - which are probably a new meat loaf recipe Cindy McCain stole from Rachel Ray. Her answers are already pre-programmed, right? Down by the 'crick at Casa McCain? They've programmed her very well, indeed. She's given a question she doesn't like? Some mechanism kicks in and she changes the subject because it's "best" for everyone involved. Or, she sasses the "moderator." 

Her name's Gwen Ifills, Sarah, and some of us uppity intellectual liberals are familiar with her! We even *gasp* respect her.

Gwen tries again to set Sarah straight about answering questions.

Ohioan men hate on Joey as he talks about education, affordable health care, tax dodges and wasteful spending

Sarah says that Johnny never lies about anything. He NEVER tells one group one thing and another group another thing. But she doesn't want to talk about the question. She wants to talk about energy. She took on the oil companies in her state, she's so tough.

Joey scratches his cheek and tries not to explode as she talks about those evil multi-national corps she and Johnny are going to go after.

Now Sarah goes back to doodling "Sarah loves Johnny" in her notebook while Joey the Shark rebuts her fairy stories. Then she refers to herself as a "Main Streeter."

SF is super confuzzled because the mood lines title reads: Uncommitted Ohio Voters. Soledad told me otherwise! Why does this have to be so complicated?

I'll only report it one more time, because Sarah simply NEVER answers the question. And she seems proud of it! She tells us up front that she won't be answering the question. Does MAVERICK mean "Fuck you, Gwen" tonight? Oop - she got a mood line drop from both sexes this time.

Anyone interested in the rest of the economic discussion tonight should go elsewhere. I've had enough of Sarah's BS. I will share my special secret HDTV club information, however. Rollins is rollin' along on the Sarah train with 12 "good" marks. Castellanos is right behind with 11. She scores no higher than 4 with everyone else. Rosen gives Joey the highest "good" mark score with 10, and 0 "bad" marks. In fact, Begala and Borger haven't given Joey any "bad" marks either.  Sarah's got several "bad" marks from everyone but Rollins, the highest being 6, from Borger.

Hooray! On to energy!

SP: I was the FIRST governor to set up the FIRST climate change sub cabinet office. I blame all the other countries in the world for global warming and it's not all man made. It doesn't matter what caused it, anyway.

SF: Oh, silly Sarah. There's this thing called SCIENCE...

J(tS)B: It is CLEARLY man made. Let's look at the facts. We need to know who/what caused it. We can create jobs! If other countries will accept it, we need to export "green" technology. McCain has voted ONLY for drilling - he's voted against other energy sources 20 times. His only answer is DRILL DRILL DRILL!

SP:  Oh, our funny supporters and their "Drill, baby, drill!" hee hee. Drilling has no downside! Drilling is healthy for the earth! I love a good drilling!

SF: I have a personal downside. How about tar covering Cali's beautiful beaches? When I was a kid I thought it was normal to bring lighter fluid to the beach. Even the hotels provided it to clean the tar off our bodies after a refreshing water/tar swim. A nice walk on the beach? Expect the bottoms of your feet to be black and sticky for a week. And that shit smells, too, yo. But, then again, what does Washington care about Cali?

GI (in a dramatic subject change): What about same-sex benefits?

J(tS)B: Same sex unions are fine. There should be no legal or constitutional difference between same sex and hetero unions. It's what the Constitution calls for - but only for property rights, rights of ownership, hospital visitation, etc. No same sex civil marriages. 

SF: Oh! Fuck you, Biden! What a disappointment! And Obama, too? Fuck the both of ya on that issue.

*SF considers watching Survivor instead*

SP: Traditional marriage only. One man, one woman. I have a diverse family and friends and I am TOLERANT! Visitations in hospital is okay, as is joint property ownership. But I must be "straight up" (heh) with the American people. No same sex civil marriages.

SF: Eh. Why dontcha be "gayly forward up"? 

This debate is not as much fun as I thought it would be. Do something stupid, Sarah! Lemme understand something here, though. Sarah says that adults should certainly have the freedom to do as they choose. But women shouldn't have choice when it comes to their own bodies? How do you explain THAT one, hmmmm?

Double eh. The Ohioans don't seem to support gay marriage either.

Moving on to FOREIGN POLICY -

SP: SURGE! Surgey Surge Double McSurge! SURGE am gud! It will be a travesty if we lose in Iraq. No early withdrawal!

SF: A motto she lives by in the bedroom as well, I see.

J(tS)B: The only person who has been left out of the Iraqi war fun is McCain. Even Bush and the Iraqi leaders have left him out. WE WILL END THIS WAR! McCain will NOT.

SP: That's like putting up a white flag of surrender! That's not what our troops need to hear today. You're endangering troops! 

SP: You once said you'd run on McCain's ticket and Obama was not ready! 

GI: Which is the worse scenario, an unstable Pakistan or a nuclear Iran?

J(tS)B: McCain voted against funding because of the time line. He didn't want one. McCain and Cheney promised we would be treated as liberators back in 2003. No one read the history of that region in the past 700 years! McCain and Cheney said oil would fund the war. Pakistan already has a nuclear bomb and that's scary enough. Iran is not really that close to a nuclear plan. A stable democracy must be aided in Pakistan. New schools, no more madrasas!

SP: They're both terrible, but the central terrorist activity is in Iran. Dictators are bad. 

Hold up! Sarah said NUCULAR! 

SF picks Sarah Palin as VP as the real worst case scenario.

Sarah re-spouts more BS about talks w/o preconditions. It's naive and dangerous! They hate our democracy and our freedoms and our frozen yogurt! They mean to destroy us and we have to bury them!

JtSB: In Iran, it's all about the theocracy. 

SF: Thank OGG someone is doing some real research and actually relying on facts.

SP: I had a real good talk with Henry Kissinger the other day.

J(tS)B: What you say about Obama is simply not true.  Contrary to every uneducated or stubborn Republican's belief, Achmenijad is NOT the head guy in Iran. McCain won't even sit down with Spain!

SF is glad he's milking that for all it's worth. Ole!

HDTV only red and blue disk numbers (sigh): Castellanos, as usual, has gone mad with the marks. And so has Rollins, the ole coot, with 12 and 16 "good" marks for Palin, respectively. They must be wowed by her ability to enunciate words, even though they don't really mean anything. Rosen has 14 "goods" for our Joey, Begala's got 6 for him. King has two more "good" marks for Palin than he does for Joey. Meh. It's getting old. Who cares what these folks think? Anyway, those who are feeling negative about Palin are Begala (5), Borger (7), and Rosen hates her (9). Rollins has zero "bads" for Sarah. What a jackass.

SP: Condi Rice is still trying to fight, even in these waning days. 

SF:Well, yeah. It's her job.

SP: I adore Israel! No second holocaust! 

Now she instructs us about Israel. As if she just found out and really wants to share.  

J(tS)B (gets real serious): No one has been a better friend to Israel for the past 35 years than ME. Rice is foundering. The whole mideast plan is just one hot mess. Bush/McCain policy is an abject failure. Obama and I begged Bush/McCain to follow our more sage advice in re Hamas and the Hezbollah. Now look who's in power! Being thoughtful is good! 

Can you tell I'm not enjoying this debate? I'm not laughing at Sarah like I get to laugh at GWB. She's doing a pretty decent job, though, of sounding like she's smarter than she is. I have not heard anything come from her that is substantive. She uses numbers only during attacks. There's nothing behind the RAH! RAH! GO U.S.A!

SP: I never have done any research of any type on my own. I don't read books or newspapers. I am uninformed and my mind is closed. I simply repeat what people tell me to say.

I'm kidding. She didn't say that.

Now she's repeating that she respects Biden. And now she says we're really not killing civilians, we're building schools! So, how does the society function on an hour or two of electricity a day? Some small areas may be safer, you moron, but the whole country has been ruined! It's for shit! Are you blind?

(I'm so excited that she says "nucular.")  

J(tS)B: Facts matter. 

SF: That's deep.

SP: Obama is reckless when he says we're killing civilians and children. What a horrible, dangerous thing to do! What is he thinking in that erudite head of his?

She SO didn't use the word "erudite." I think she would have said "doggone," or "cotton-pickin'."

J(tS)B: The SURGE principle will not work in Afghanistan. Commanding general McKinnon (or McClellan as Sarah calls him) in Afghanistan. said so. Now? We spend more money on Iraq in 3 weeks than we have in 7 years in Afghanistan.

SF: What? That's absurd!

Both parties are restrained in their reactions to the outlandish things the other is saying. Sarah looks at Joey much more than he looks at her. He always directs his answers to Gwen. That's clever of him.

  

SP: Oh man, it's so obvious that I'm a Washington outsider. I'm someone who's just not used to the way you guys operate. Here you voted for the war - and now you oppose it! It's crazy, I tell ya! 

SF: Having an opinion, then learning new information, and then changing that opinion, is surely a sign of psychosis. 

J(tS)B: Lines need to be drawn. Are we capable of intervening in a given situation? McCain's strategy with Cheney was wrong, so wrong. The conduct of this war has been deplorable. 

Well, bless my soul. Joey the Shark is getting lots of good information out there, he's just doing it quietly. Who knew? Is this the restrained but even more effective Joey? I love how he keeps throwing the "Cheneys" out there.

The pundits are going wild with their HDTV club toys. Rollins now has 37 "good" marks for Sarah. Castellanos has 18 though he has 16 for Joey. Passionate guy, that Castellanos! How can they think she's winning here? Rosen has given Joey 26 "good" marks, so that's pretty good. Rosen is still on the hate train for Palin with 15 "bads."

Palin tries to bring the confab back to more general insights. She gets real folksy with the "you betchas." "I'm a Main Streeter, y'all! And I'm shiny! McCain knows what evil is and since he is such an incredible hero, he's going to combat evil wherever it may be! Take politics out of war," she says.

Huh? Does she know the definition of politics?

GI: How would a Biden administration be different if Obama sadly bites the dust?

Hee! I love where this is going!

JtSB: I would run it just like Obama. End the war. Reject the Bush Doctrine. Raise our standard in the world. I agree with every one of his major plans.

SP: We're Mavericks! We can't always agree! 

Is she kidding? She's sounding absolutely rebellious! And now back to the GOLDEN KEY PHRASES.

JtSB: Over at Katey's Restaurant and Home Depot, where I spend a lot of time, folks "get it." Walk with me through MY neighborhood. These people know. The Middle Class got the short end of the stick. Obama will change it!

SP (verbatim): Oh, say it ain't so, Joe! There ya go again, pointing backwards!

Doggoneit! Now she's going all Reagan-y on me. 

SP: Education is important. I know Joe's wife is a teacher, God bless her. She'll get her reward in heaven! I love teachers! My family is FULL of teachers. 

She makes a shout out to her sister's third grade class. Extra credit for you! she says.

GI (to SP): You said you don't know what the VP does. 

SP: It was a lame attempt at a joke, kinda like Joe's lame attempt at a joke. Nobody got it.

Audience laughter.

Sarah likes the idea of a powerful VP - a la Cheney. And she love special needs children!

SP: Our founding fathers were very wise. They gave us lots of flexibility. 

SF: STFU, Sarah! You're being extra scary now!

JtSB (fiesty): Cheney should understand that he is a member of the executive branch alone. The Constitution is explicit - the VP is only the tie-breaker in a legislature tie. That's all he has to do in the House. 

Sarah relates how much empathy she has for the Middle Class because she WAS one of them for so long. She knows just how Americans feel.

She has NO idea how SF feels.

Sarah has always shared a "world view" of our nation as "exceptionalism." The City shining on a hill of lights. 

Joey chuckles good-naturedly and flashes some serious teeth. He knows the sheeple eat that shit up.

Gwen asks Joey if he is undisciplined.

JtSB: Undisciplined or passionate? 

He lists off some more successes. Then he brings up the death of his wife and child. He knows what it's like to be a single father. His eyes well up. Awwww, Joey! 

SP: McCain is the ultimate dissenter of his party. He's a MAVERICK! Liebermann and Giuliani love him! 

SF: You use those shining examples of human beings?

JtSB: Let's talk about Mavericks for a second. McCain's record shows that he gives not a shit about health care. He's so mean, he voted against children's health insurance. He's no maverick on the war. He's no kitchen table maverick. He voted against helping poor people with heating oil!

GI: How do you change the tone of the US?

SF: Exile all the orthodox Republicans.

JtSB: I wish McCain was here to answer that question. 

SP: Um...I have a diverse family! Er...I wish there was no filter of the mainstream media. We'll fight for Main Street! I'm proud to be American, cuz at least I know I'm free... 

Oh, wait. That's that god awful song. 

JtSB: This is the most important election ever. We have economic and foreign disasters. There will be no tax breaks for the Exxon-Mobil crowd. We'll strive for the best healthcare and education. I think of my old neighborhood - good old-fashioned values. We will re-establish certitude. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Oooh, snaps! It's all over and Sarah didn't get to God Bless anything! Woot!

The two VP candidates engage in some friendly chatter and flirting - I'm SO glad to meet you, Sarah; oh, I'm SO glad to meet you, Joe! The families emerge and Palin's side looks huge. Everyone hugs. 

Impressions? Meh. I wanted her to out-Quayle Quayle. She spoke well, and to too many people, that's all it takes. Plus those stupid GOLDEN PHRASES: We're Mavericks! Winning and Victory! Evil is bad! TERROR and MAYHEM! Main Street! Other cultures are scary! Shut Up and Go to Church! Stuff like that.

THE CNN AFTERMATH:

King: Palin had an uneven and erratic performance. But everyone loves her tonight anyway. She's folksy like Perot. 

Campbell: There were no major gaffes. Palin's first half was good, her foreign policy was bad. Her obvious mix-up of Gen. McKinnon's name was not corrected by Biden, who showed much restraint.

Gergin: Biden wins, but Palin did well.

Toobin: The war in Iraq discussion was VERY interesting. The two sides' major philosophy differences showed.

Borger: Palin didn't answer the questions. 

Rosen: There were no substantive answers from Palin. She wandered everywhere on Iraq and she constantly came back to energy on the economy issues.

Begala: Palin did well.

Oh, shut up, Paul. You just think she's shiny.

The ads are back on now. Huh. Apparently my "economic future" is at Sizzler's, where I can eat their sumptuous signature steak dinner for less than ten bucks.

The Beginning of the Spin: 

Palin's an asset, or so says my local news channel anchor. She's a populist and a fighter. 

*looks around* Am I still in San Francisco?

Biden was restrained, my useless anchorman tells me. Now we're treated to video of Sarah, with the Rocky theme song playing in the bg, as she is hailed as a hero at her afterparty. She exceded expectations! my totally idiotic local pundit crows. She showed her human side. She "blew away" the first two questions and worried Biden. Apparently, the undecided voters are even more confused now. 

Really. Is this a joke? Am I being punk'd? Ashton? Are you in my house somewhere, feeding fake images and voices onto my HDTV? Why are the idiots at my local news channel acting like fundamentalist Christians who adore the "new" Sarah? What's happened to my city?!

Hold me! I'm scared! 

And speaking of "hold me," what about your children, Sarah? You obviously failed to instill any virginal values in your eldest daughter. And judging by her taste in men? you've got some rebellious kids there, Mama Palin. Don't you have some catch-up work to do in the child rearing department? 

If Obama had a knocked up daughter, what would you say about that? I think we'd be stormed by the "values" police, myself.

Now that I have finished my Great VP Debate recap/blog, the Congress is about to vote on the "Bush just stole the shirt off my back" Bailout Plan. I am disgusted. Gustusted, even. 

Obama? (I wish his first name were Obama.) You better get ready to save the world.