High Drama in the Hay-ouse.

Where to even begin? 

This country is facing a problem heretofore unheard of, untested, unimaginable and truly confounding. It's impossible to take a side because it's impossible to figure out who is telling (or knows) the truth, and who is trying to get away with something downright indecent. Politicians are trying to cover their asses - their constituencies are bloomin' mad. But do the American people have the proper information to decide what the right action is and what actions are unnecessary? Are they willing to live with the consequences?

I'm actually pleased to see the public in a fighting mood here, instead of acting like a bunch of docile sheeple, letting their elected officers make backroom deals that benefit said officers instead of their constituents. I heard so many e-mails from regular folks read on air, supporting a "nay" vote on the new and improved Bailout Plan. It seems like the majority of American citizens, Repub and Dem alike, are NOT on board this time. And naturally, the Representatives need to please the voters, or they won't be representing much longer.

I intended to write about "low expectations" today, but the news directed me elsewhere. Since low expectations are at the heart of this year's election, however, that must necessarily be a running  thread in all of my politically-themed blogs, at least until the election. 

GWB is the poster child for low expectations. Soon after he was handed the 2000 election by Uncle Antonin, my father came up with the theory that GWB had won votes from white middle class males because he showed them that they, too, were smart enough to be president. GWB was the guy everyone wanted to have a couple of beers with. He was non-threatening to white men even though he might be the guy who would towel-snap you in the locker room, doing that "heh heh heh" chuckle. He wasn't a New England snob, even though he was, in fact, a New England snob. But the whole Bush family are enigmatic, with their ties to Saudi Arabia, their interest in oil, their friends in high places. I've studied the Bush family - y'all might find that the research is both entertaining and terrifying.

On to the Plan, though. I ended up watching the congressional debate yesterday morning, followed by the voting insanity and the stock market plunge. I have a little commentary about all that.

The late night/early morning started out with an emphasis on Pelosi's statement that "the party is over for Wall Street." Pelosi (who really looked like she needed a nap) made it sound as if "Chip" was in trouble with Mom for throwing a kegger in the country club cabana. It even reminded me of a photo I saw in Rolling Stone several years ago of Bush and his frat bros partying. Bush himself was hanging off a staircase, mouth agape, a bottle of Jack Daniels in hand. This guy is president material? No, it's just the birth of low expectations. Dozens of politicians, hell, hundreds of thousands of Americans, have since jumped on that bandwagon, including, of course, Sarah Palin. I'll squash her like a bug sometime later.

Talk about low expectations - the bleedin' writer of the crawl lines at the bottom of CNN's TV screen can't spell for his/her life!  Couldn't they find any college grad to man the crawler correctly? Has the current generation coming into adulthood been taught to read and write? Have we coddled them so much as children that "low expectations" is the best we can hope for? Is it systematic? Is this country so like Orwell's 1984 that the goal of TPTB (and who knows who THEY are) are striving to "dumb down" the people until they become utterly docile, easily brainwashed by propaganda and systematically uneducated? Is it the goal that the youth today respond only to "newspeak," whatever form it takes?

Is this all about Elitism for Dummies when it comes to the upper classes?

How does one ever find out if this is truly a catastrophe in the market? No one - across the board - seems to understand what this economic crisis is really about. It's inexplicable! Does that make it easier to pass this crazy, created on the fly Plan? 

As GWB makes his appearance at 7:45 a.m. EDT (4:45 a.m. PDT) he uses language that is just a little too confusing for most, with interjections about why it's going to be "great for (my) community." Huh? You mean you're doing your best, Mr. President, to take care of the guy on "Main Street"? (And why has the middle class now been renamed Main Street? EVERYONE seems to have received that memo.) 

I can't pretend to understand economics but I am helped tremendously by CNN's Christine Romans, who frankly looks like she's about to lose it this morning, but has to temper herself. According to Christine, this Plan is all about "unfreezing credit." It's really not about helping families with devalued property and mortgage troubles. It's about "toxic assets." Even Christine fails to explain what toxic assets are and how they are powerful enough to throw not just the U.S., but the entire global markets into chaos. The majority of families shouldn't expect to be aided by this Plan.

The 110 page Plan is available to read online, and I plan to go have a look at it, but really? it won't matter in the end, because the champagne's already been drunk, the coke has already been snorted, the whores have been paid. Meh. I know that's not entirely fair but I used to work across the street from San Francisco's version of Wall Street and those brokers and bankers and lenders were like a pack of really evil frat boys, jumping into their Porsches and yelling to each other about hawt chicks and rawkin' parties.

Christine Romans tells me that this Plan will enable borrowing and that will help employers make their payrolls. But wait, isn't my employer in the black? Why does my employer have to borrow to pay me? Christine says that graduating college students shouldn't look forward to getting a real job for quite a while, whether the Plan passes or not. What does that mean for high school graduates? How about the drop-outs? Anyone foresee crime going up?

I've just received an e-mail from Michael Moore, begging me to contact my representatives and candidate Obama with the message NOT to pass this Plan. MM certainly uses some of the same tactics the Repubs use in that he creates fear and panic himself. I sent an e-mail to Obama anyway, asking him to PLEASE call some of these bastards out. Don't be cautious, Superhero Obama! Go get the bad guys! Yeah, I know, but I truly am looking for a hero in this huge mess.

CNN is really fiesty this morning (Monday)! The anchors all look stunned and slightly angry themselves. Christine has turned red and her voice is quavering. She looks like she really wants to tell us something but she can't. Why do I find myself agreeing with fucking Newt Gingrich lately? He thinks Paulson should have offered a dishonorable resignation months ago. He was probably busy on a yacht doing lines with rock stars. Okay, that was unfair. Sorry. I'm not going to delete it, though. (Gawd, I can't wait to be light and funny again.)

Senator Christopher Dodd assures us that this is not a Wall Street bailout. Well, how come all the investment houses are closing down and they're the ones who need immediate rescuing?Credit is based on nothing, right? It's based on a promise to pay back the money. I've always been ascairt of credit. I'm an under the mattress girl. I don't like the idea of being in debt to anyone. That's the kind of thing that makes me lose sleep. If I can't afford the entire price of something, well, I'll just have to wait until I can pay for it in full.

So, what if we had an "education crisis/catastrophe" that cost $700B to fix? That's kind of interesting because WE DO have that crisis, at least in every American city.  In Cali, our Governator, whose budget still hasn't passed after 80-some days, has threatened to lower all State workers' salaries to minimum wage. Why hasn't Maria kicked his ass? What if a kid who has to attend school without books and materials, in falling apart classrooms in decrepit buildings, with teachers who earn barely enough to get by, sued the government on behalf of the million kids like him, for $2 billion? The case would never be heard by any judge in the State. The legislature would laugh out loud! Education used to be something the government provided for our tax dollars, no?

A couple asides:

I don't understand why people like "stories" from their candidates. What are we, a country of idiots? Do people put less rational thought into voting than they do planning a meal? They vote with their gut? That's illogical, Mr. Spock!

Mein Gott in Himmel! Colombia, as in the country, has an ad campaign now, luring visitors to the country where "what you thought in your head, will change in your heart." (Something like that.) Their other slogan is, "the only risk is that you'll want to stay." Ha! So, a jeep full of cocaine commandos with Uzis won't shoot me in the streets? Really, I would love to go to Colombia.  I'm sure it's interesting and beautiful and I do speak Spanish, but I'm sure this ad is running in very limited markets. It's probably running in L.A. where rich white liberals are threatening to leave the country if McCain wins. That's so retro. They said the same thing when Bush stole the 2004 election and they still haven't left.

The Congressional Debate:

Sheila Jackson Lee (D - Houston) tears it up, as usual. With anger and honesty, she asks why we should buy that which doesn't exist (toxic assets)? Like a dozen congressmen who have spoken before her, both Repub and Dem, she is virulently opposed to the Plan. You go, Sheila! Why does it seem like black representatives are the most honest mavericks in politics? Well, most of them.

Whether Dem or Repub, it's beginning to seem like everyone is against the Plan so far.  It's all kinds of amazing to see the two parties working together in league against Bush & Co. If only this had happened while GWB was still actively in office. Now, he's just a dumb lame duck trying to loot the coffers for his friends before he leaves office.

John Campbell (R - Newport Beach, CA) finally shouts out for the other side. The economy will collapse if we don't pass it, he implores. 

Ginny Brown (R - Dade County, Fla.), on the other hand, shouts that this Plan is EXTORTION! Foreign banks will get special treatment! There will be no restrictions, no guarantees! She concludes by saying that this is embarrassing and a shame upon the nation.

Everyone chatters in the House. There's no lying around and napping in Congress today! 

The "nay" arguments really make more sense to me. They're more well thought out and compelling. Rep. LaTourette of Ohio makes me wonder why the Repubs are making sense today. What malfunction in the Universe is at play? The argument that giving a third of the annual budget to corporate welfare is not only stupid, it breaks all the rules of a free market system, has me shaking my head, not nodding it. I'm all for regulations but that's a non-issue at this moment in time. There was no regulation before, so let's save that for a time when it can be properly debated and enacted. 

Pelosi talks in circles during her alloted time. I'm pissed because she's my representative, from San Francisco, and she should be the right kind of maverick for such a progressive city. She avoids saying what side she's on, unlike any other speaker before her, and blames everything on Bush. Clinton=big surplus! Bush=decimation of said surplus! How did it creep up on us, like a cat? she asks. She talks in yet more circles about how terribly everyone (Wall St. and the Repubs) have behaved. She shouts out her love for Barney Franks: He was the guiding force of the whoa! brigade. NO MORE compensation for CEO's, she declares. They're making unconscionable amounts of money! We had NO help from the Administration, she adds. She wants to approve this Plan, though. Damn you, Nancy! You're from San Francisco! Let your freak flag fly! Don't give GWB & Co. the win! 

Nancy continues with talk about being bipartisan - yeah, it's a bipartisan effort to vote nay! Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R - Minnesota) has just agreed with me on that.

Rahm Emmanuel (D - Chicago) says capitalism needs guidance from the government. He never says how he'll be voting, though, which leads to louder chatter from the peanut gallery.

And now, Rep. Engils (R - S. Carolina) wants the Plan passed. Weird. Both parties are clogged by infighting.

Here's Kucinich! My favorite! He's all about distressed households and mortgages. He is so brief in his remarks, I can't figure out how to appreciate them. I don't even know how he'll vote. What a disappointment! 

The Rep. from Queens, NY, rambles about drunks and makes an analogy about drunk drivers. He likes the plan, but because I haven't understood his remarks, I don't know why. Waxman (D - Los Angeles) is a "yea" vote, and he's quite eloquent though I hate his piggish nose.

The chatter reaches new decibel levels as Roy Blunt (R - Missouri) makes a statement in favor of the plan/bailout/buy-in that is compelling. He's concerned about no college loans being issued, no lending to small businesses, no car loans. He is certain that if the Plan doesn't pass, "Main Street" will be hit hard. 

Markey (D - Mass) agrees completely with Blunt. We MUST pass this bill to survive. So, now, we've got bipartisan agreement on the "yea" side, too.

Barney Frank (D - Mass.) yields himself three minutes. Crisis means you can't have everything you want, he says. We've got to put in something for the poor people! We have to protect the poor people! This kind of comes out of the blue for me. I haven't previously heard that the poor will receive anything from this Plan. I like Barney very much, but he hasn't convinced me that this Plan will benefit anyone but predatory lenders, Wall Street crooks, foreign banks (who will be receiving "special treatment" under the Plan) and CEO's of various institutions. Nevertheless, he pleads that we must compromise.

(applause)

Boehner (R - Ohio) calls the plan a "mud sandwich." That's pretty good! I've never heard that before. And he's a "yea." What's in the best interest of our country? he asks. Not what's best for YOU.

(applause)

Thank OGG, they're finally ending the yielding. Barney Frank is very glad to announce that we will be wrapping up soon, but we have one final speaker.

Wildly enough, this final speaker, Hoyer (D-Maryland), speaks of GWB respectfully! What's your damage, dude? You should be enraged!

And there they go...off to bail out Wall Street. Suckers.

I put history on pause as I go tinkle. 

OMG! The "nays" are leading! It's like a basketball game watching the two scores going up and down, then tying. There are still 86 congressmen to vote and the "nays" lead by eight. These sly bastards and bastardettes totally waited until the last minute in the name of brattiness and drama. I must say, I'm inclined to vote "nay," myself, but it's very risky! Go rebel Congress! Show GWB who's boss around there!

And the "nays" win handily! 

The Repubs have provided the majority of the nay-sayers (literally!), but two thirds of Democrats voted "nay," too.

ORDER! ORDER! The poor page guy keeps yelling ORDER! but no one is being orderly. All the Reps are huddling together everywhere trying to figure out how to get votes changed. Nothing's changing, though.

The market plunges to -600. Now it's at -453.  Now -500.

Everone continues to ignore the ORDER! guy. Finally Madame Speakerwoman says "Order" in a small voice (because she's no doubt sick) and everyone settles down for a minute.

We have officially entered the Twilight Zone. One of the strangest, most confusing, chaotic, unprecedented, stomach-turning zones the country has ever seen. No one knows what to do, how to proceed. To make things even more confusing, it's Rosh Ha Shana (thanks, Wikipedia), and members need to be at home with their families. How many Jewish Representatives do we have, anyway?

The Aftermath:

The "yea-sayers" blame their defeat on Pelosi's "inappropriate" statement, which they say was unapologetically partisan and snippy. The Repubs are MAD at Pelosi. Blunt hopes the stock market crash will motivate the "nays" to become "yea's."

Stock market? -777 pts., the largest point drop (as opposed to percentage drop) in history.

Do we even have a functioning government now?

When can I start writing funny blogs again?