Are You Joking?

Pinch me.

Barack Hussein Obama actually won the election for the president of the United States?

I feel wordless, but I also feel compelled to describe what's going on in my head, you know, for posterity. I'm not sure what it feels like to think of the executive branch of my country with hope and warmth. I haven't even really thought of it as MY country for the past decade (roughly around the time of Monica Lewinsky - I was entirely too care free during the Reagan years). I've grown accustomed to associating the presidency with the face of a snarling Cheney. I'm a jinx, though! My guys never win! The opinions I have are so different from most of the rest of my fellow citizens. Or are they?

I don't have to keep those "Move to Costa Rica" junk e-mails any more! In the space of a few hours, I feel like an entirely different American. I have faith now that this wacky experiment of a democratic meritocracy CAN carry on for a while longer. I know the whole world (except maybe Al Qaeda) is ecstatic - hell, they're even happier than we are! I don't have to be embarrassed to identify myself as American when I'm traveling any longer.

This is just...not what I expected. I thought we were headed down an irreversible road to ruin - that the corporations had won and we were all just sheeple, zombified by our HDTVs. But I'm betting Obama knows how to play with these renegade corporations; he uses them to his benefit whenever possible. I like that Obama wants to one-up these old white guys who need multiple millions of dollars to stick in their coffers while tens of thousands of sick people sleep in the street.

I know there won't be miraculous changes immediately. It's going to take a long time to fix the mess, and more messes will be created along the way. It's the only word I can think of (though it reminds me of Oprah, who I can't stand): HOPE. Corny, but meaningful!

Now I can go back to snarking on celebrities and truly enjoying reality TV. I can make another stab at trying to understand string theory and I can read biographies about Stephen Hawkings and Heidi Fleiss. I can think again! The election withdrawal will be replaced by watching Obama inspire his staff, and people in general, to clean shit up and start fresh. It's even possible now that the citizens of the U.S.A. will rise to the occasion en masse and things will be better! Again, I say: Pinch me.

The election wasn't stolen. Nobody would stoop that low (well, a few people stooped pretty low). We actually have a president on the same day as the election! Everything went according to plan - my side's plan, anyway. Is it too much to ponder that we won't have sides anymore? Bah. That's for the future.

We must all hope that Cheney doesn't bomb Iran next (after Syria last week) - he's only got a short time to fulfill his ya ya's.

Congratulations, world! Maybe it's not as bad as we thought! It could be a watershed moment, am I right?

MEDIA VINDICATION?!

I couldn't be more pleased.

Finally, FINALLY, CNN has broken the story, at 4:45 am PDT, earlyish in the Central and East Coast zones, straight from Mark O'Brian: Voting machines in over a dozen states can be easily and anonymously hacked into and changed. Votes can be swapped - snap! - into any desired winner the hacker would like. Halla-frickin' lu-jah!

Will this story have legs? It better!

For the stealing of the election to go as planned, the contest must seem to be fairly tight. That way, the public might find it feasible for either side to win, vis a vis the polls.

I hope nothing fishy happens on Election Day. That would be a nightmare.

Monday Morning Muslim Mess

Okay, so there's a McCain rally, and groups of nuts show up...duh. One particular group has placards and etc. that are bearing Obama's name, written with the addition of the Muslim and U.S.S.R. symbols (used quite creatively, really). Well, this offends some more fair-minded McCain supporters (Hooray?), and a shouting match ensues. A few minutes later, the growing crowd are approached by a Security type who is niraculously...Muslim himself! He's a Muslim with a long Muslim name and he's repeating over and over that these wackos are not affiliated with the McCain campaign, and they do not support any of this kind of Muslim calling out and that kind of shenanigans. The placard guy literally turns tail and runs away with his meager crew.

So, immediately, everyone's first thought is: who's the idiot that set this up?

CNN is about to get the actual Muslim security guard on the phone...there's a little trouble, though...uh, oh - the kid is not allowed to speak...under direct order of the big dawg himself, John McCain! How can this be? How can a senator prevent a citizen from talking on the phone to CNN? Where are we living? What kind of crazy shit is really going on? Just last night, I heard a story about CIA employees freely listening to regular, run of the mill and perhaps "humorous" telephone conservations. Hey, you never know - it could be you.

I'll say it, though Hey Hey actually wrote it first in comments. I don't disagree with anything the Rev Wright has said, really. God damn America?! Everyone thinks that on April 15th. Yeah, sometimes I think to myself, "God damn America." I think it when people get shot in the street because our ghettos are a shame upon America; the state of education is damnable; building more prisons than schools is damnable; all these homeless people - mostly vets, but families now are damnable. What, are we supposed to stand up and applaud the crappy way this country has been handled?

Why aren't we allowed to criticize? Why must we all be religious and somehow equate religion to political power?

I'm gonna go hug me some Iraqis. Maybe some Iranians and Syrians...

When Republicans Bite: A Discussion With Newsmax.

Yup - more news from Newsmax - your friendly lovers of democracy, the Republican Trust PAC. I can't imagine how these idjits got a mailing list with MY name on it. Unless I was doing some super sneaky reconnaisance. Keith Olberman, of the very blue MSNBC, just told me an interesting fact: McCain is now blaming Obama for literally ruining Joe the Plumber's life. Even though McCain brought him up first and said his name no less than 21 times. David Letterman really gave it to McCain last night. It was thrilling.

Joe the Plumber was a stupid move, just like this run of stupid moves the McCain team has made. The most interesting news today is that Obama et al are asking for an investigation to be made into the role of the Executive and Judicial branches (Bush/Cheney/Rove and the inept and corrupt OCS) in their public interpretation of the ACORN fiasco. They are phoning millions of people with a robotic message that Obama is basicly a terrorist and election stealer. Now, when these folks, and other folks who have some anomaly with their names on Election Day, won't be taken seriously. That is so reprehensible.

It looks like Obama has it in like Flynn, but I put NOTHING past the other side. Someone better be watching those voter machines. Why the hell isn't anyone investigating Diebold? I'm tellin' ya!

So, I wanted to share my newest communique from Newsmax, because it is both so hilarious and so scary. If anyone has a different point of view - please comment. I'm really trying to understand the other half.

***

An urgent message from our Newsmax Sponsor, The Republican National Trust PAC:

Dear Newsmax Reader:

We at the National Republican Trust are launching our first 30-second ad attacking Barack Obama and his plan to give illegal aliens driver's licenses.

(There is a giant photo of Mohammed Atta's driver's license here so you, too, can feel the horror of it all.)

We are already being attacked by liberal, pro-Obama blogs and we haven't released our first ad! They are worried about us -- and they should be! Dick Morris says "The National Republican Trust is a very effective organization that can make a huge difference on election day."

(Attacked by blogs? Like this super scary blog? There they go with the panties loving Dick again. NO ONE in America likes this prick, guys)

This weekend our TV ad will hit Ohio in a big way. It will be like a neutron bomb. We are expecting heavy, heavy flak from the enemy.

(THIS? Is too much. What idiot thought up this copy? A neutron bomb? Are you high? I am here specifically to give you flak. If you weren't so dull, so dim-witted, so doltish, I would just let you be, but this is excessive and we're talking about the future of the planet. Neutron bomb. Shut up.

We are now firming up ad buys in other major swing states. You can make a big difference by donation to us because we only have days to roll out our campaign.

(Fuck you.)

Please read Scott Wheeler's Urgent Letter below!

***

Obama’s Plan: Mohamed Atta Gets His Driver’s License

Dear Fellow American:

We have just weeks to go before Election Day . . . time is running short for us to avert a major disaster for our country. That disaster’s name is President Barack Obama.

(I'm glad you got his title right: President Barack Obama)

But this disaster can be averted. I’m confident about this — even though the slanted media are overstating Obama’s inevitability. But the numbers don’t lie. The latest Zogby poll had John McCain trailing Obama by two points. Just two points!

(Give it time, dude. Your guy's numbers are dropping more and more every day.)

Despite the full-court press to destroy McCain and Sarah Palin, Katie Couric’s antics against her, and a daily onslaught of media spin . . . McCain is still within striking distance. The stakes have never been higher for the future of the country.

(That Katie Couric, she needs a witchdoctor, Sarah! And, how do you overstate inevitability?)

We either patriotically turn the country over to a man who has proudly served his nation in war time and peace — or we face electing a man who has a checkered past, a man who has counted domestic terrorists among his friends, and a man who spent 15 years in a church where his pastor regularly damned and condemned the United States. Barack Obama is not simply a risky choice as our next president — He is a dangerous one.

(A checkered past! Ooooohh. Were you proud about abandoning your beauty queen wife, the one who WAITED for you for years and years, and then was in a disfiguring accident so you just abandoned her...penniless, John McCain? Were you proud of your behavior then?)

This is why I have taken the helm here at the National Republican Trust Political Action Committee. Here at the National Republican Trust, we understand our mission. It’s simple. It will also drive the left-wing media nuts.

(Well, thank OGG. What would we do without you, you fine example of a guy? I think you're driving everyone nuts already.)

Here’s the plan: We will tell the American people the truth about Barack Obama!

*gasp*

Millions of dubious new voters with the help of groups like ACORN are being registered to put the most extreme liberal in the history of the presidency in the White House.

(What is a dubious voter? Is that code for stupid or Black or poor or what? Is it our duty to protect them from electing a liberal president?)

But I’ll shock you: that’s OK! Let them spend millions in getting new “voters” and millions more in TV ads. I believe truth is more powerful than lies. How powerful? Well, so powerful, in fact, that I believe one airing of our TV ads will equal at least 10 airings of theirs. This issue will nail him.

(Guys? When you do that tricky truth and lies, verging on religious patter thing? That is wicked offensive.)

In the closing weeks of this election, Obama is trying to remake himself as a moderate to win over lower-income, white, Democratic and independent voters. He wants to hide the facts about his record. He is the most extreme liberal ever to be nominated by a major party. We all know his 100 percent liberal rating in Congress, his support for the TOTAL gun ban in Washington, D.C., his opposition to protecting babies born alive, and his support for tax increases.

(First, of course Obama wants to win over lower-income, white, Democratic and Independent voters. That's the Democratic constituency, ya moron! He's not hiding any facts. I'd go so far as to say that YOUR extreme nature and activities and beliefs are WAY more extreme than Obama's , even on his most liberal day! Someone better get those guns out of DC - the poor are shooting each other all to hell. Protecting babies that are born alive? That's a doozy. Like, how often does that really happen? Five in every two hundred million? And OGG forbid we go a second without mentioning taxes.)

But there is one issue almost all Americans agree on: Illegal aliens should not be given driver’s licenses. Help Expose Obama's License Plan.

(I won't help you because I don't agree. I'm one of those out-of-her-mind liberals who likes to be safer.)

*a second photo of Mohammed Atta's driver's license displayed here*

Not after 9/11. Did you know that Mohamed Atta, the 9/11 ring leader, had a valid Florida driver’s license? Did you know 13 of the 19 hijackers had obtained valid driver’s licenses? Armed with these licenses, eight of the hijackers even registered to vote!

(Huh. The hijackers voted? Are you sure, Newsmax? Who'd they vote for? What a curious thing.)

Here is the shocking fact: Obama strongly supports giving illegal aliens in America driver’s licenses. Obama’s position is not a new one: We discovered that Obama has been a major proponent of driver’s licenses for illegals since his days as an Illinois state senator. We have no doubt that, as president, Obama will also champion this radical plan. With Osama bin Laden still at large, with al-Qaida promising “spectacular” attacks on the U.S homeland, with the threat of them using weapons of mass destruction against our cities — biological, chemical, and nuclear — can we risk putting such a man in the Oval Office?

Doesn’t he remember what happened on 9/11? More than 3,000 Americans were murdered.

(HORROR! FEAR! CRISIS! CATASTROPHE! and with all due respect for the victims of 9/11, 4184 U.S. soldiers have died fucking around in Iraq.)

But we need your help. We’re already preparing our ad budget in key swing states. The more you can donate to us today, the more we can spend in the coming days. And don’t forget, you can donate a maximum of $5,000. Your spouse can also make a $5,000 donation. With $5,000 we can saturate a whole city/market in a key swing state for one whole night.

But even $1,000 helps us. With $1,000 we can run 10 TV ads in a key market.

(I must admit that I get a lot of spam from the Democrats asking for money. But they ask for $25...$10 is just fine! These fools want $5000? And "even $1000 helps"?

Help Expose Obama's License Plan!

*big photo of Mohammed Atta...again*

Thank you.

Yours for America,

Scott Wheeler
Executive Director

P.S. If you agree with this letter, you can help in two ways. First, donate to us, and let us fight for you. Second, forward this e-mail and letter to at least 10 of your friends and family. Encourage them to read it. We can reach millions of Americans if even a fraction of our readers do this.

***

Wow. So, I guess there are people like that out there - people who would take that letter seriously. How do you battle the insane?

I still can't get over the "neutron bomb" thing. Beastly.

Normally I wouldn't sign my blog, but until November Fourth, I am yours,
SHEENA HUSSEIN FURY

The Real Joe

From this morning's Daily Beast:

Election 2008 has a favorite everyman: "Joe the Plumber," whose name was mentioned 26 times in last night's debate. Joe, it turns out, is a real person—Joe Wurzelbacher, from Holland, Ohio, whose 6-minute conversation with Barack Obama about taxes was fodder for McCain's attacks. "It's pretty surreal, man, my name being mentioned in a presidential campaign," Wurzelbacher said. You're tellin' us. But Politico's Ben Smith suggests that after a night of the candidates competing for Joe's affections, it all may be for naught: Joe, apparently, isn't registered to vote.

Get it @ The Los Angeles Times

BWAH!

The Last Great Debate of 2008

A longtime friend of mine - the lovely and talented Michelle - is now signing all of her communications with "Hussein" as her middle name. It's catching on and I think everyone should do so in solidarity with Obama.

We're at 37 minutes in the countdown to Debate #3. I cannot post a whole recap tonight - those suckers took hours to write out. I shall provide some short commentary, however. As usual, I'm stuck on CNN. At this point, it looks as though Obama has it in the bag. If McCain has something REALLY BIG on Obama, I would say it's now or never, buddy.

Oh! Listen to this: McCain has apparently been covertly seeing Obama fans. He names "Joe" - an audience member at one of Obama's appearances - as an example of someone who will SUFFER if Obama becomes president. Where did McCain find Joe? Did they meet in a dark alley? A strip club? The third phone booth on the right? Did he have "Joe" kidnapped by four guys in a van? Stop the class warfare! McCain commands. McCain reveals that "Joe" is a plumber. Is he like Joe Six-Pack? Anyway, "Joe" told him that Obama wants to spread the wealth around. I think that Joe the Plumber - McCain's new covert BFF - is clearly a double agent. I, for one, don't trust Joe the Plumber. He's two-faced.

FYI: I will not be commenting on the "mood lines" or the HDTV disk treat fun tonight. I don't care anymore.

Hillary is in the audience tonight. There was some speculation about whether Obama would give her a shout-out. He...did not.

Across the board spending freeze is a bust, Obama says. It never works. There are a lot of "screwy things" we end up paying for, he adds. We need a new direction.

McCain tells Obama that if he wanted to run against GWB, he should have run four years ago. What's THAT supposed to mean? Is Johnny trying to make Barack mad? Obama rightly points out that McCain voted "vigorously" with GWB.

Negative campaigning? McCain is hurt, y'all. Unfair and inappropriate! His eyes well up. Obama didn't keep his word. He hasn't told the American people the truth.

Obama: 100% of McCain's ads have been negative, not issue-oriented. We need to change the subject already!

Joe the Plumber is revisited again. Joe heard no repudiation of Obama's black lies!

Obama calls McCain out on the Palin rally "Kill him!" remarks. Palin did nothing to stop it. But Obama is willing to overlook this for the sake of Joe the Plumber. Eh, I don't get it either.

McCain says the people at his rallies are good and patriotic!

Obama: Let's disagree without being disagreeable.

McCain: ACORN is destroying the fabric of our democracy!

Obama: Ayers seems to be the center of your campaign, John. Bill Ayers is a professor I served with on a board (and he lists everyone else on that board). I'm not affiliated with ACORN.

Obama rises above and doesn't trash Saran Palin when asked why his VP choice is better. McCain retorts that Sarah understands "special needs families." Obama rises above YET AGAIN and compliments Sarah P.

McCain is compelled to tell us that Obama had a "cockamamie" plan to split Iraq into three countries. He adds that now, Iraqis are living in peace and harmony as one people.

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha! Visions of Sunni and Shia holding hands and singing "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" amidst the not yet repaired rubble. Embracing each other in the streets! Cake for everyone!

McCain: Start the drilling, baby! Build dozens of nuclear (or nucular, if you prefer to follow Bush and Palin's stellar example of pronunciation) plants everywhere!

Obama: This is one of our most important priorities. We can't drill our way out of this. I believe in free trade but all agreements aren't GOOD agreements. What we have now is not GOOD free trade practices.

McCain: I really appreciate Obama's eloquence, but you need to pay attention to the words he uses (that's secret code for "he's Black and uppity"). He said we need to "look into" drilling.

SF: YES! Obama thinks we should study it in a timely fashion, be smart about it, do it the right way if it must be done. No "drill, baby, drill," but "make informed decisions."

McCain disses Obama for "never having been south of our border". He rolls his eyes. He's being super cat-tay tonight with the sarcasm, the grimaces and the eye-rolling.

Obama: CLEAN energy.

McCain: Obama loves Hugo Chavez with no preconditions!

As Obama explains his healthcare plan, McCain looks at him as if he's grown a second head. Theatrics...bah. Now he blames much of our healthcare problems on fat children. Yeah...they don't vote so you can feel free to throw them under the bus.

Woop! Joe the Plumber is back. Joe doesn't want to pay for Obama's plan. John KNOWS Joe.

Didn't John steal Joe in the first place? I bet there is no Joe.

McCain looks to be horror-stricken by Obama as he shreds McCain's healthcare plan. Now McCain declares that Joe the Plumber is rich in Obama's eyes. (!?) Joe wanted to buy his business, McCain declares on Joe's behalf. What else does McCain know about Joe? His hat size? Pepsi or Coke? Blondes, brunettes or redheads? Mayo or Miracle Whip?

McCain boasts about his new plan where you can go out of state for your medical needs. What if you live in Alaska? Canada still appears to be a better option! Still yapping about Joe the Plumber, McCain cracks SF up by calling Obama "Senator Government."

Roe v Wade? McCain would NEVER apply a litmus test for Supreme Court Justices. He voted for Breyer and Ginsberg, even though he thinks Roe v Wade was a mistake. Obama says that he will look for judges with an intellect and a feel for what the public is going through.

SF: Boo for both of you. Obama? You have this in the bag, you can start being honest now. Pro-choice is not, in fact, the DEBIL's tool.

McCain: We need to change the culture of America. Those of us who understand being pro-life understand this.

SF: SCARY TALK!! That scares me, Mr. McCain!

Obama: Abortion is such a difficult subject. We must somehow come together. Education is the answer (which evokes much eye-rolling from McCain.)

McCain: Obama is bamboozling you again with his eloquence. "Mother's health" can be interpreted any way those heathens want now!

Obama: Education must be reformed completely. Tuition for community/global service.

McCain: It's the civil rights issue of the 21st Century! We can't keep throwing money at it! We must find bad teachers new jobs.

(Like, sleeping with the fishes? Boy, that sounded a tad threatening.)

Obama: No vouchers. More college accessibility.

McCain: You're not paying attention. (Hey - take it easy Mr. Grouchy-Pants!) Vouchers for all (white) people! Head Start needs to be reformed, not funded.

McCain: These are difficult times. America needs a new direction. We've had a healthy debate here. We have to stop the spending. Can you trust us? I've spent my entire life in service of this country, as has every McCain male ever. Joe? Meet me in the third stall of the Mezzanine Men's Room in ten minutes.

Obama: Tough times. I'll work tirelessly. Elect me. Who the hell is Joe?

AFTERMATH:

Adorable Anderson Cooper and Wolf Jackyl joke about Joe the Plumber. They'll get to the bottom of this!

Paul Begala calls McCain Grumpy McNasty! Ha! That's like Filthy McNasty!

Well, tie me to a tree and ____ me! Everyone agrees that McCain was wonderfully strong. Obama was on defense, they say. This was not Obama's best moment.

I object! What debate were you fools watching?

Ooop...Soledad O'Brian just asked her Ohioan Undecided's: Why no resonance with Joe the Plumber? No one really liked Joe the Plumber at all!

I wonder if Joe the Plumber has a Facebook page?

The rest of this analyzing charts and poll numbers is just silliness. I'm done with it.

Sheena Hussein Fury - I like the sound of it!

What's This I Hear About Obama Being Black?

Gads. Is he really? This could be a problem. Does everyone know? Oh - some think he's Arab. I thought his dad was from Kenya. And now he's a Muslim because his father was a Muslim because his father was a Muslim? Oy. This could really be a problem.

He's so articulate and intelligent - he's a Harvard grad! Is this going to be problematic for other Blacks?

Many of my posts are informed by someting I read, or see on TV. Over the past few weeks I have watched the CNN Series (there's that damn CNN again) Black in America. It really is an excellent look at where Blacks are in the year 2008 - forty-some years after the Civil Rights Act was signed into law. Like people of all colors, Blacks are doing many different things; unfortunately one in three youg Black men will land in jail at some point. Or in the grave. Most Blacks live in poverty - in those awful project-prisons built to store them in during the 1960s and 70s. Middle and upper middle class Blacks are rarely given any "good publicity." The rest of America is more interested in hearing about the hood, gangstas, violence, drugs, rap music and general mayhem. More exciting, you know. Oh yeah, there were the Cosby's, once upon a time.

I have what may be considered by some a strange interest in Black life in America. I sort of inherited it from my dad, who as a young man in L.A., lived at 113th and San Pedro in L.A. and went to Washington High. He and his friends would go to Black clubs in the 1940s to listen to jazz. He told me once he had always secretly wished he was Black. Me too. Why? Has the media glorified the gangsta life so blonde - headed fools like me feel attracted to it? Do I have a genuine desire to lift up people who need help standing on their own two feet in this culture that has systematically broken them down? Do I have White guilt? Do I just really love the music and the art that comes from this generation (and generations before) of Black Americans?

Back in the day, when I wore pink or blue hair and ripped up fishnets and safety-pins, I lived on Exposition, which is certainly within the borders of the 'hood. My USC schoolmates were too scared to visit the liquor store a couple blocks away from out apartment. Not me, though. The only trouble I ever ran into was a crowd come to see the crazy white girl. They laughed and asked me where the hell I was from (this was pretty early in punk rockdom). And though the liquor store where I bought my pink champale was right next to an ambulance service, which was really a drug sales point disguised as an ambulance service, the folks gathered 'round really couldn't have been friendlier. I don't think they would have been as sociable if I were wearing Abercrombie & Fitch and had my nose in the air and my purse clutched close to my breast.

Come to think of it, most punk rock venues were in some kind of hood. That's the only place punk rock bands were allowed to play. So, while the locals never went inside the club, we drank 40s of Olde English 800 out in the parking lot with them. Anyway, I never wanted to be one of those "look at those interesting niggers, dear," types, but I was always genuinely interested.

I saw some of the first rap/hip hop acts in the early 1980s at a place called Radio in downtown L.A. Grandmaster Flash came there, with Mel E Mel, Ice-T, and others I can't remember anymore. When The Message (Grandmaster Flash) came out, everyone I knew bought a copy.

I spent some years in Europe in the 80s, and when I came back, Gangsta Rap was getting ready to take over the genre. It was rough and rude and scary and I loved it - Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog, Eminem, Eazy-E, Tupac, Ice Cube, BoneThugs. Why would I love music that was misogynistic, full of bravado, threatening, even criminal? Well, it had wicked beats, for one. It remended me of punk rock in its utter rebellion. It was local - as in L.A. It was naughty and humorous. Some was great, some was bad, and some was worse. I sure wasn't going to put on my punk rock garb and check out the parties in the LBC, though. Times had changed.

I could write forever about race and class issues, about music and how different colored people are represented in the media. And I will, but for the next three weeks, I'm focusing on the election. How does this tie in? Well, because when I look at Obama, I don't see the same type of Black citizen I am accustomed to seeing in my city, on TV, in music videos. I wonder how young Black men feel about Obama. Is he "too white"? Is he someone to look up to? Is he the first in a new line of politically aware Black men who will begin fighting to get their communities back? Will the entrenched "system" allow them to become more powerful than they are now? Is life just so bleak, most Black boys and men give up before they've ever started? Who is in charge of zoning in every major American city? Why aren't there grocery stores with fresh produce and cheaper prices in most every Black ghetto? Why are there three times as many liquor and gun stores in those same areas?

I wish Obama could speak the truth. The REAL truth. If he did, he'd never be elected, though. I hope after we elect him, he'll do the right thing, as Spike Lee says. Obama, especially with his Kenyan name, is not a stereotypical American Black man, at least in the eyes of the White/Latino/Asian communities. He wears a natty suit and uses big words. Still, he is accused of being associated with something "scary" - he's a Muslim, an Arab, a "druggie" in his high school days, and a co-conspirator with domestic terrorisis today. He can behave as every other senator does, but he can't change the color of his skin. He's stuck with it. Will it be a deal-breaker? I guess it partly depends on whether the Repub PTB are REALLY willing to go there, now that the stakes are so high.

Shitting Acorns

This ACORN sitch is shitty. There's no other word for it. Now these bastards are calling us out on their own game before we have a chance to call them out first! Sure, there are fraudulent Democrats. Politics gets filthy on both sides, all the way down to the local level. The Repubs are just better at it. Or more sneaky. What ACORN has done, though, is so heenious (as Sarah P. says), it's going to screw us good when it comes time for us to call out the fraudulent Republican shenanigans. In fact, I'd bet the Repub PTB clandestinely founded ACORN and pretended to be liberals, just to set this scenario up! Gotcha!

The big heist of votes would most likely be found by hacking into a certain Web site. This making up of registrations from dead people and folks who live at fast food restaurants is kid stuff. A few ballots here, a few ballots there. A list of felons - or people who have names that sound like felon's names (usually Black people) - or the accusation that felons are being allowed to vote? How many felons are there who are so bent on voting, they'd try to sneak in? Cops. Good cops, bad cops. Maybe that won't happen as much this time.

I just want to be on record here that ACORN (if it's not just some Repub trickery) are traitors to the country. I'd say they should hang but I'm pro-life when it comes to the death penalty.

Can Stealing be Stolen?

In my last post, I mentioned a right-wing organization that had somehow gotten me mixed up with my nemesi (plural for nemesis). NewsMax is typical of crazed orthodox right-y publications. They use too many exclamation points, they try in vain to make old, false rumors into SCARY, new revelations about the DEBIL Obama, and they write in a style that makes one feel like they really do care. For that matter, NewsMax doubles as a "healthcare" mailer, often sending out two or three political articles a day, along with a couple of "heart healthy" and "diabetic recipe tips" articles because they care just that much. A day or two ago, I wrote about stealing elections. Coincidentally enough, I received a NewsMax article just today about the FEAR of Obama and the Democrats stealing this election. It's kind of stupid timing, what with Obama so far ahead in the polls, but those crazy hardcore right-wingers! They're the masters of diversion.

Will Obama and the Democrats steal the 2008 election using voter fraud?John Fund, a Wall Street Journal columnist and Fox News analyst, warns of that very real possibility.

Butterfly ballots, balky machines, absentee ballot scandals, felons voting, Supreme Court intervention— all these made headlines during the infamous 2000 Florida recount.

Could it happen again in this year's presidential election?

The answer is yes, because not much has changed to improve our election systems, while both major parties are poised on a hair trigger to file lawsuits and challenge any close statewide vote. The issues may boil down to whether the margin of victory in any state exceeds the "margin of litigation."

Author John Fund spotlights the perils of "provisional ballots," the flaws of the "Motor Voter" law that has allowed people to get absentee ballots for phantom voters, and the shady registration drives of the radical group ACORN, a group with close ties to Barack Obama.

Meanwhile, the simple safeguard of a photo ID requirement is fiercely resisted on specious claims that it would disenfranchise poor and minority voters.

Stealing Elections presents a chilling portrait of electoral vulnerability, as a combination of bureaucratic bungling and ballot rigging put our democracy at risk.

This is a must read book for the 2008 elections! 

FREE OFFER! Get this book free!

My first reaction was laughter. I've seen this John Fund on the Bill Maher HBO show. It's the first time I've ever seen Bill really lose it, because Fund would not, could not, answer a single question without twisting it, back-flipping it, or simply changing the subject entirely. It was truly maddening.

I had intended to dedicate at least a couple of entries to election stealing - this makes for an interesting first post, as apparently the liberal/Democrat fear of the possibility was so well-founded, the right-wing Repubs had to steal the idea for themselves! Is that stealing on top of stealing? 

Obviously, someone handed the task of debunking the liberal theory about the ease of stealing elections, and hijacking the theory for their own benefit, to this John Fund, who is a loudmouth, an interrupter (I hate that), and one of those "golly, gosh, who me?" type of snakes. Hacking Democracy, the documentary I spoke of in my most recent post, is such an effective film, because everything that happened (including Election Supervisors throwing ballots and other "paper trails" into garbage bins) is actually ON FILM. There's no need to debate - the proof is right there before your eyes.

I think this must have caused ants-in-the-pants for some Repub higher-ups, so they enlisted Fund to turn the evidence around so that it's back-assward, and then offer it for FREE, as you can see. I see right through it. Unfortunately, most righties won't. I implore my readers to watch Hacking Democracy - http://www.freedocumentaries.org, and then write to Fund, or to FOX, to tell them how stupid and dishonest this book is.

They're so desperate now, they're liable to do the unthinkable. We MUST call them out. 

And what the heck is a "balky" machine? Is Bronson Pinchot behind all this treachery?

Just to whet your appetite about Newsmax, here's a paragraph from the latest article I was sent, on Obama's history as a "drug addict":

“I remember he didn’t hang out with a group I thought was the right group to hang out with,” said the woman who attended Punahou High School in Honolulu with Obama. “It was the group known as the Bingham benches, the druggies’ group.”

Obama has admitted taking drugs in high school, but the fact that he kept company with others who were known to take drugs has not been reported previously. That appears to be part of a pattern of associating with questionable people, raising questions about his character and judgment. Among those people are William Ayers, who has admitted bombing buildings; convicted fundraiser Tony Rezko; and the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr., whom Obama considered his mentor and who gave an award for lifetime achievement to Louis Farrakhan.

Amazing how they can fit so much unrelated material into one paragraph, huh? And, I surely need to know all about who he smoked pot with in high school, right? Those scary, scary kids he "kept company with" must be vetted!! They have not been reported on previously! This may change my mind about Obama entirely! He may be the DEBIL after all...

The Great VP Debate: Say it ain't so, Joe!

Finally! It's the Joey and Sarah Show! Shark vs. Femmebot! I hope there's a crack medical/robotics crew backstage. Sarah may blow a fuse and Joey may sink some of them blinding white choppers into her. 

Or, as CNN pundit David Gergin projects, the crazy "Ross Perot" mood in the country may aid Sarah, what with her folksy, plain talk program #A62, designed especially by Karl Rove himself. Just how involved is Rove in this campaign anyway? Even if such involvement has been carefully hidden? Who really knows what happens down by the 'crick at Rancho McCain?

CNN is my Debate headquarters again, tonight. I like shiny bells and whistles, too. I'm an American, after all. Wolf Jackyl welcomes we viewers - he is clearly excited. These two need to show that they're ready to become the VP, and mayhaps the President, he proclaims. Now he lets us know that the two have been preparing for this momentous occasion.

SheenaFury: Or, Joey has been preparing and Sarah has been busy being pre-programmed by some wacky evil brain-enhancing device...probably developed by Goebbels himself...or maybe Bernays!

Gergin: The American public is unpredictable right now. There's a rebellious, populist vibe spreading across the country. Who knows what the public will latch onto? They may relate to Sarah. 

SF wishes the public had latched onto a real populist, like my boy Kucinich. Alas, he is not shiny...at all.

The lovely Soledad O'Brian re-explains the very complicated "mood" lines at the bottom of our screens. There is a change tonight, however. This time, the lines will represent Ohio Repubs, Dems, and Independents, who are all still undecided (?!), and will show an average of the three, only divided into men and women. There will, then, be only two lines tonight. Sweet chicken, that's hard to understand. The lines are representing what now? And for why?  I do lurve me some Soledad, I must say. She was once our local anchor here in San Fran. This is all too much, though. I think they could have created a simpler, more telling device to act as a barometer of Ohioan's moods during the debate. 

Again, we - specifically HDTV owners - will get our special circular pundit marking card fun tonight. Those without HDTV will have to suffer alone. (Who is behind this nonsense anyway?) The circle cards somehow don't seem so special tonight, though.  Begala, Borger, Castellanos, King, Ed Rollins and Rosen will be our official participants.

Sadly, my fave Christiana Amanpour is not there. Probably part of the demands-package-rider from the McCain crew. Christiana is just too much woman. According to Wolf Jackyl, the ground rules have been carefully...oh, so carefully worked out between the two campaigns. Gergin, Campbell and Toobin are sitting sidelines tonight. 

The countdown clock on the corner of the screen, which has been up since six a.m., is nearing the zero hour. Aaaaannnd, "let's go there," Wolf announces.

SF: PLEASE go there, Joey the Shark and Gwen!

PBS's Gwen Ifill announces that all of the questions have been decided by her and there will be no untoward outbursts allowed. You go, Gwen! She's got that Vicodin smile going on but she's all business. I don't much like her jacket. Just saying.

Sarah and Joey walk out, Sarah beaming. "Nice meeting you! Hey, can I call you Joe?" (wink, wink.) And that will be the first in a long series of winks to the American public tonight. She must have practiced that at Rancho McCain as well. Sarah thanks Gwen five times and the candidates take their positions.

Sarah is dressed in "serious business black," with a neutral, non-threatening lipstick shade, but she's...shiny! And such a lovely complexion! What a role model, eh? Five kids and she's managed to keep her attractive figure. I wonder if Gwen will ask her if she plans to have any more babies while in office. I guess only God knows!   

First question goes to Joe - it's on the economic bailout plan that I revile. The very second Joey the Shark opens his mouth, the Ohioan men's mood line plummets and the women's rises just slightly. Joey ticks down the list: disastrous economic policy under Bush, too much deregulation, letting Wall Street run wild, etc. 

Don't even get me started on the booze and the jets and the chicks, Joey. 

Joey continues with an emphasis on fairness to the middle class - he even says "middle class," not that idiotic and meaningless term "Main Street." No unfair profits for CEO's. Obama and I plan to focus on the Middle Class, not the rich and powerful. People could even end up making money on this "rescue plan." 

SF is still skeptical, as are Ohioan men.  

Here's something a little confusing. Though she has yet to speak, Rollins, Begala and Castellanos have already given Palin a "good" mark on thier HDTV fun cards. Has she bewitched, beguiled and bewildered them already? What is this based on? 

Sarah uses her rebuttal time to talk about Soccer Moms and FEAR.  She says "betcha" for the first of many, many times tonight. 

SP: Our economy is hurting.

SF: Ya think?

SP: McCain represents reform. Two years ago, he pushed really hard for the Fannie and Freddie reforms. He sounded that warning bell. His colleagues didn't want to listen to him. I think the alarm has been heard, though, thanks to John McCain's bipartisan reform efforts. He even suspended his campaign!

SF's head does a full 360, Linda Blair-style.

GI: How will you deal with this polarization we've seen in the last week, which you've both mentioned tonight?

J(tS)B: Well, Gwen, that's what I've done my whole career, on controversial issues, too: violins against women, thousands of new cops on the street, Bosnia... Do I have to stay on topic, Gwen?

Really! And she assents!

J(tS)B (paraphrasing, as I am wont to do): Sarah just told a whole bunch of lies. McCain has no conceivable notion of whether the economy is good or bad. He has nine houses and a couple of jets. He was clueless until two week ago, when he changed his view to the polar opposite side twice in one day.

SP: The American workforce is the greatest in this world (or, bend over, Labor, I'm gonna kiss your ass, too!) The work ethic is entrenched in our workforce. 

SF: I just shouldn't go there, right?

SP (verbatim): It's true, I have a track record of reform and I've joined a team that is a team of MAVERICKS, with John McCain, also with his track record of reform, we're known for putting bipartisan politics aside to just get the job done.

SF: Are you speaking of MAVERICKS! like Phil Graham? And, er, did they program you to believe you have already solved the country's problems with your maverick pal Johnny?

Sarah accuses Obama of voting on party lines. 

Ya mean like Johnny voting with his pal GWB 90% of the time? Like that?

SP: Let's put this special interest stuff aside and let's git down to business. I do respect your years in this business but I think the folks are craving some change. We need something new and different!

SF and Joey are somewhat perplexed by Sarah's quick yet inane answers. Joey flashes a nervous smile. SF feels a little sick.

Gwen points out that no one answered the question and offers a new one: Whose fault is it? Greedy lenders or risky homebuyers?

SP: Darn right it was the predatory lenders! There's greed and corruption on Wall St. We're going to follow up on getting rid of corruption, ya know.

As I type her words, I realize just how crazy Sarah's speechifying really is. It makes little sense, it mixes metaphors, it contradicts itself and it's based on fairy tales.

The Ohioan mood lines are both up for Sarah, here, though the men, as before, are not quite as high on her.

SP: Joe Six-Pack! Hockey Moms across the nation! I think we need to band together and say never again! Never again to ring around the collar!

I'm kidding - not about the Joe Six-pack and Hockey Moms' rally cry, though.

Wouldn't it be funny if Sarah and husband Todd turned out to be secret swingers?  Sometimes crazy things happen behind closed doors, or toilet stalls, as the Repub party well knows. Sarah would make a good Madame, I think, for an escort service, or a special Alaskan Snow Bunny Ranch. Hey, that baby daddy of her daughter's looks like he'd patronize a Snow Bunny Ranch, doesn't he, the little rascal!?

The "mood lines" are very active tonight. Both male and female Ohioans are groovin' on Sarah. I guess low expectations are paying off. The HDTV doo-hickeys are full of "good" marks for Palin, even from Begala! Castellanos is up there in Rollins territory with the "good" marks. I think he fancies himself a ladies man.

J(tS)B: Two years ago, it was Obama that questioned the sub prime loan problems. McCain wouldn't listen. He said to deregulate. Twenty times he called for more deregulation! In fact, John McCain recently wrote an article in a major magazine that he wants to do the same for the health care industry - deregulate!

Mood lines plummet. These Ohioans don't seem to like our Joey much, especially the men.

Yes! Joey tells a personal story about a guy at his local gas station. I hate 'em, but the sheeple seem to love a good "story."

Sarah gets rebellious. She wants to go back to an earlier point about taxes. (When did they talk about taxes?) 

SP: Darn right! Obama wants to increase taxes! Government is going to have to learn to live with less! Obama voted 94 times to increase taxes! Taxes, taxes, taxes! 

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

J(tS)B: Everything she just said? Is a damn lie. McCain voted the same way. Using Sarah's logic, McCain voted 477 times to raise taxes. It's a bogus claim. And, Gwen? Sarah's not answering the questions.

Gwen offers Sarah the opportunity to answer the deregulation question again.

SP: I want to go back to taxes! I may not answer the questions the way you or the "moderator" want me to, but I'm going to talk straight to the Amurican people. I want to let them know my track record.

SF: Is that even allowed?! I am gobsmacked yet again!

SP: Me, me, me! The Dems are stodgy and Johnny and I are the fiesty young rebels! We're going to...

Gwen cuts her shit off. Woot!

More $5000 medical tax credit talk. Gah! Don't get me started. I note, however, that the plan calls for "erasing state borders" so as to increase competition. Is she suggesting that we drive out of state for medical care? 

Joey goes into shark mode over taxes and Sarah takes issue. Paying higher taxes is not patriotic, she argues. She and Todd were (notice the verb tense) part of the middle class. Joey flashes his choppers again. The Ohioan men seem to like Sarah's tax talk.

Joey gets a nice laugh from the audience when he calls McCain's health plan the "ultimate bridge to nowhere." 

Sarah pretends to be interested in her notes - which are probably a new meat loaf recipe Cindy McCain stole from Rachel Ray. Her answers are already pre-programmed, right? Down by the 'crick at Casa McCain? They've programmed her very well, indeed. She's given a question she doesn't like? Some mechanism kicks in and she changes the subject because it's "best" for everyone involved. Or, she sasses the "moderator." 

Her name's Gwen Ifills, Sarah, and some of us uppity intellectual liberals are familiar with her! We even *gasp* respect her.

Gwen tries again to set Sarah straight about answering questions.

Ohioan men hate on Joey as he talks about education, affordable health care, tax dodges and wasteful spending

Sarah says that Johnny never lies about anything. He NEVER tells one group one thing and another group another thing. But she doesn't want to talk about the question. She wants to talk about energy. She took on the oil companies in her state, she's so tough.

Joey scratches his cheek and tries not to explode as she talks about those evil multi-national corps she and Johnny are going to go after.

Now Sarah goes back to doodling "Sarah loves Johnny" in her notebook while Joey the Shark rebuts her fairy stories. Then she refers to herself as a "Main Streeter."

SF is super confuzzled because the mood lines title reads: Uncommitted Ohio Voters. Soledad told me otherwise! Why does this have to be so complicated?

I'll only report it one more time, because Sarah simply NEVER answers the question. And she seems proud of it! She tells us up front that she won't be answering the question. Does MAVERICK mean "Fuck you, Gwen" tonight? Oop - she got a mood line drop from both sexes this time.

Anyone interested in the rest of the economic discussion tonight should go elsewhere. I've had enough of Sarah's BS. I will share my special secret HDTV club information, however. Rollins is rollin' along on the Sarah train with 12 "good" marks. Castellanos is right behind with 11. She scores no higher than 4 with everyone else. Rosen gives Joey the highest "good" mark score with 10, and 0 "bad" marks. In fact, Begala and Borger haven't given Joey any "bad" marks either.  Sarah's got several "bad" marks from everyone but Rollins, the highest being 6, from Borger.

Hooray! On to energy!

SP: I was the FIRST governor to set up the FIRST climate change sub cabinet office. I blame all the other countries in the world for global warming and it's not all man made. It doesn't matter what caused it, anyway.

SF: Oh, silly Sarah. There's this thing called SCIENCE...

J(tS)B: It is CLEARLY man made. Let's look at the facts. We need to know who/what caused it. We can create jobs! If other countries will accept it, we need to export "green" technology. McCain has voted ONLY for drilling - he's voted against other energy sources 20 times. His only answer is DRILL DRILL DRILL!

SP:  Oh, our funny supporters and their "Drill, baby, drill!" hee hee. Drilling has no downside! Drilling is healthy for the earth! I love a good drilling!

SF: I have a personal downside. How about tar covering Cali's beautiful beaches? When I was a kid I thought it was normal to bring lighter fluid to the beach. Even the hotels provided it to clean the tar off our bodies after a refreshing water/tar swim. A nice walk on the beach? Expect the bottoms of your feet to be black and sticky for a week. And that shit smells, too, yo. But, then again, what does Washington care about Cali?

GI (in a dramatic subject change): What about same-sex benefits?

J(tS)B: Same sex unions are fine. There should be no legal or constitutional difference between same sex and hetero unions. It's what the Constitution calls for - but only for property rights, rights of ownership, hospital visitation, etc. No same sex civil marriages. 

SF: Oh! Fuck you, Biden! What a disappointment! And Obama, too? Fuck the both of ya on that issue.

*SF considers watching Survivor instead*

SP: Traditional marriage only. One man, one woman. I have a diverse family and friends and I am TOLERANT! Visitations in hospital is okay, as is joint property ownership. But I must be "straight up" (heh) with the American people. No same sex civil marriages.

SF: Eh. Why dontcha be "gayly forward up"? 

This debate is not as much fun as I thought it would be. Do something stupid, Sarah! Lemme understand something here, though. Sarah says that adults should certainly have the freedom to do as they choose. But women shouldn't have choice when it comes to their own bodies? How do you explain THAT one, hmmmm?

Double eh. The Ohioans don't seem to support gay marriage either.

Moving on to FOREIGN POLICY -

SP: SURGE! Surgey Surge Double McSurge! SURGE am gud! It will be a travesty if we lose in Iraq. No early withdrawal!

SF: A motto she lives by in the bedroom as well, I see.

J(tS)B: The only person who has been left out of the Iraqi war fun is McCain. Even Bush and the Iraqi leaders have left him out. WE WILL END THIS WAR! McCain will NOT.

SP: That's like putting up a white flag of surrender! That's not what our troops need to hear today. You're endangering troops! 

SP: You once said you'd run on McCain's ticket and Obama was not ready! 

GI: Which is the worse scenario, an unstable Pakistan or a nuclear Iran?

J(tS)B: McCain voted against funding because of the time line. He didn't want one. McCain and Cheney promised we would be treated as liberators back in 2003. No one read the history of that region in the past 700 years! McCain and Cheney said oil would fund the war. Pakistan already has a nuclear bomb and that's scary enough. Iran is not really that close to a nuclear plan. A stable democracy must be aided in Pakistan. New schools, no more madrasas!

SP: They're both terrible, but the central terrorist activity is in Iran. Dictators are bad. 

Hold up! Sarah said NUCULAR! 

SF picks Sarah Palin as VP as the real worst case scenario.

Sarah re-spouts more BS about talks w/o preconditions. It's naive and dangerous! They hate our democracy and our freedoms and our frozen yogurt! They mean to destroy us and we have to bury them!

JtSB: In Iran, it's all about the theocracy. 

SF: Thank OGG someone is doing some real research and actually relying on facts.

SP: I had a real good talk with Henry Kissinger the other day.

J(tS)B: What you say about Obama is simply not true.  Contrary to every uneducated or stubborn Republican's belief, Achmenijad is NOT the head guy in Iran. McCain won't even sit down with Spain!

SF is glad he's milking that for all it's worth. Ole!

HDTV only red and blue disk numbers (sigh): Castellanos, as usual, has gone mad with the marks. And so has Rollins, the ole coot, with 12 and 16 "good" marks for Palin, respectively. They must be wowed by her ability to enunciate words, even though they don't really mean anything. Rosen has 14 "goods" for our Joey, Begala's got 6 for him. King has two more "good" marks for Palin than he does for Joey. Meh. It's getting old. Who cares what these folks think? Anyway, those who are feeling negative about Palin are Begala (5), Borger (7), and Rosen hates her (9). Rollins has zero "bads" for Sarah. What a jackass.

SP: Condi Rice is still trying to fight, even in these waning days. 

SF:Well, yeah. It's her job.

SP: I adore Israel! No second holocaust! 

Now she instructs us about Israel. As if she just found out and really wants to share.  

J(tS)B (gets real serious): No one has been a better friend to Israel for the past 35 years than ME. Rice is foundering. The whole mideast plan is just one hot mess. Bush/McCain policy is an abject failure. Obama and I begged Bush/McCain to follow our more sage advice in re Hamas and the Hezbollah. Now look who's in power! Being thoughtful is good! 

Can you tell I'm not enjoying this debate? I'm not laughing at Sarah like I get to laugh at GWB. She's doing a pretty decent job, though, of sounding like she's smarter than she is. I have not heard anything come from her that is substantive. She uses numbers only during attacks. There's nothing behind the RAH! RAH! GO U.S.A!

SP: I never have done any research of any type on my own. I don't read books or newspapers. I am uninformed and my mind is closed. I simply repeat what people tell me to say.

I'm kidding. She didn't say that.

Now she's repeating that she respects Biden. And now she says we're really not killing civilians, we're building schools! So, how does the society function on an hour or two of electricity a day? Some small areas may be safer, you moron, but the whole country has been ruined! It's for shit! Are you blind?

(I'm so excited that she says "nucular.")  

J(tS)B: Facts matter. 

SF: That's deep.

SP: Obama is reckless when he says we're killing civilians and children. What a horrible, dangerous thing to do! What is he thinking in that erudite head of his?

She SO didn't use the word "erudite." I think she would have said "doggone," or "cotton-pickin'."

J(tS)B: The SURGE principle will not work in Afghanistan. Commanding general McKinnon (or McClellan as Sarah calls him) in Afghanistan. said so. Now? We spend more money on Iraq in 3 weeks than we have in 7 years in Afghanistan.

SF: What? That's absurd!

Both parties are restrained in their reactions to the outlandish things the other is saying. Sarah looks at Joey much more than he looks at her. He always directs his answers to Gwen. That's clever of him.

  

SP: Oh man, it's so obvious that I'm a Washington outsider. I'm someone who's just not used to the way you guys operate. Here you voted for the war - and now you oppose it! It's crazy, I tell ya! 

SF: Having an opinion, then learning new information, and then changing that opinion, is surely a sign of psychosis. 

J(tS)B: Lines need to be drawn. Are we capable of intervening in a given situation? McCain's strategy with Cheney was wrong, so wrong. The conduct of this war has been deplorable. 

Well, bless my soul. Joey the Shark is getting lots of good information out there, he's just doing it quietly. Who knew? Is this the restrained but even more effective Joey? I love how he keeps throwing the "Cheneys" out there.

The pundits are going wild with their HDTV club toys. Rollins now has 37 "good" marks for Sarah. Castellanos has 18 though he has 16 for Joey. Passionate guy, that Castellanos! How can they think she's winning here? Rosen has given Joey 26 "good" marks, so that's pretty good. Rosen is still on the hate train for Palin with 15 "bads."

Palin tries to bring the confab back to more general insights. She gets real folksy with the "you betchas." "I'm a Main Streeter, y'all! And I'm shiny! McCain knows what evil is and since he is such an incredible hero, he's going to combat evil wherever it may be! Take politics out of war," she says.

Huh? Does she know the definition of politics?

GI: How would a Biden administration be different if Obama sadly bites the dust?

Hee! I love where this is going!

JtSB: I would run it just like Obama. End the war. Reject the Bush Doctrine. Raise our standard in the world. I agree with every one of his major plans.

SP: We're Mavericks! We can't always agree! 

Is she kidding? She's sounding absolutely rebellious! And now back to the GOLDEN KEY PHRASES.

JtSB: Over at Katey's Restaurant and Home Depot, where I spend a lot of time, folks "get it." Walk with me through MY neighborhood. These people know. The Middle Class got the short end of the stick. Obama will change it!

SP (verbatim): Oh, say it ain't so, Joe! There ya go again, pointing backwards!

Doggoneit! Now she's going all Reagan-y on me. 

SP: Education is important. I know Joe's wife is a teacher, God bless her. She'll get her reward in heaven! I love teachers! My family is FULL of teachers. 

She makes a shout out to her sister's third grade class. Extra credit for you! she says.

GI (to SP): You said you don't know what the VP does. 

SP: It was a lame attempt at a joke, kinda like Joe's lame attempt at a joke. Nobody got it.

Audience laughter.

Sarah likes the idea of a powerful VP - a la Cheney. And she love special needs children!

SP: Our founding fathers were very wise. They gave us lots of flexibility. 

SF: STFU, Sarah! You're being extra scary now!

JtSB (fiesty): Cheney should understand that he is a member of the executive branch alone. The Constitution is explicit - the VP is only the tie-breaker in a legislature tie. That's all he has to do in the House. 

Sarah relates how much empathy she has for the Middle Class because she WAS one of them for so long. She knows just how Americans feel.

She has NO idea how SF feels.

Sarah has always shared a "world view" of our nation as "exceptionalism." The City shining on a hill of lights. 

Joey chuckles good-naturedly and flashes some serious teeth. He knows the sheeple eat that shit up.

Gwen asks Joey if he is undisciplined.

JtSB: Undisciplined or passionate? 

He lists off some more successes. Then he brings up the death of his wife and child. He knows what it's like to be a single father. His eyes well up. Awwww, Joey! 

SP: McCain is the ultimate dissenter of his party. He's a MAVERICK! Liebermann and Giuliani love him! 

SF: You use those shining examples of human beings?

JtSB: Let's talk about Mavericks for a second. McCain's record shows that he gives not a shit about health care. He's so mean, he voted against children's health insurance. He's no maverick on the war. He's no kitchen table maverick. He voted against helping poor people with heating oil!

GI: How do you change the tone of the US?

SF: Exile all the orthodox Republicans.

JtSB: I wish McCain was here to answer that question. 

SP: Um...I have a diverse family! Er...I wish there was no filter of the mainstream media. We'll fight for Main Street! I'm proud to be American, cuz at least I know I'm free... 

Oh, wait. That's that god awful song. 

JtSB: This is the most important election ever. We have economic and foreign disasters. There will be no tax breaks for the Exxon-Mobil crowd. We'll strive for the best healthcare and education. I think of my old neighborhood - good old-fashioned values. We will re-establish certitude. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Oooh, snaps! It's all over and Sarah didn't get to God Bless anything! Woot!

The two VP candidates engage in some friendly chatter and flirting - I'm SO glad to meet you, Sarah; oh, I'm SO glad to meet you, Joe! The families emerge and Palin's side looks huge. Everyone hugs. 

Impressions? Meh. I wanted her to out-Quayle Quayle. She spoke well, and to too many people, that's all it takes. Plus those stupid GOLDEN PHRASES: We're Mavericks! Winning and Victory! Evil is bad! TERROR and MAYHEM! Main Street! Other cultures are scary! Shut Up and Go to Church! Stuff like that.

THE CNN AFTERMATH:

King: Palin had an uneven and erratic performance. But everyone loves her tonight anyway. She's folksy like Perot. 

Campbell: There were no major gaffes. Palin's first half was good, her foreign policy was bad. Her obvious mix-up of Gen. McKinnon's name was not corrected by Biden, who showed much restraint.

Gergin: Biden wins, but Palin did well.

Toobin: The war in Iraq discussion was VERY interesting. The two sides' major philosophy differences showed.

Borger: Palin didn't answer the questions. 

Rosen: There were no substantive answers from Palin. She wandered everywhere on Iraq and she constantly came back to energy on the economy issues.

Begala: Palin did well.

Oh, shut up, Paul. You just think she's shiny.

The ads are back on now. Huh. Apparently my "economic future" is at Sizzler's, where I can eat their sumptuous signature steak dinner for less than ten bucks.

The Beginning of the Spin: 

Palin's an asset, or so says my local news channel anchor. She's a populist and a fighter. 

*looks around* Am I still in San Francisco?

Biden was restrained, my useless anchorman tells me. Now we're treated to video of Sarah, with the Rocky theme song playing in the bg, as she is hailed as a hero at her afterparty. She exceded expectations! my totally idiotic local pundit crows. She showed her human side. She "blew away" the first two questions and worried Biden. Apparently, the undecided voters are even more confused now. 

Really. Is this a joke? Am I being punk'd? Ashton? Are you in my house somewhere, feeding fake images and voices onto my HDTV? Why are the idiots at my local news channel acting like fundamentalist Christians who adore the "new" Sarah? What's happened to my city?!

Hold me! I'm scared! 

And speaking of "hold me," what about your children, Sarah? You obviously failed to instill any virginal values in your eldest daughter. And judging by her taste in men? you've got some rebellious kids there, Mama Palin. Don't you have some catch-up work to do in the child rearing department? 

If Obama had a knocked up daughter, what would you say about that? I think we'd be stormed by the "values" police, myself.

Now that I have finished my Great VP Debate recap/blog, the Congress is about to vote on the "Bush just stole the shirt off my back" Bailout Plan. I am disgusted. Gustusted, even. 

Obama? (I wish his first name were Obama.) You better get ready to save the world. 

 

The Great Debate #1

First, if I were planning a Friday night dinner party for a guest of honor, and if that honorable guest told me on Tuesday that he may or may not be attending, and then I didn't hear squat from him until Friday afternoon? I'd be pissed awf. A random black street dude interviewed in Oxford, Miss., said it best: It's a question of manners. That guy doesn't have any manners. 

In light of my last post, perhaps I shouldn't share that I have an HD Widescreen TV, but I am surprised to learn that I will get special treats because of my HD TV ownership status. On CNN, I can watch as the pundits mark on a circle-thingy whether they think Obama has landed a right jab or McCain forgot to point his toes. It really is becoming like a sporting event! Who are my pundits?  Bill Bennet, who I couldn't care less about. There's John King. Who cares? Someone Borger? I don't know who that is. Paul Begala, sure, okay, but do I really need to know his every emotion in real time? Donna Brazille. Again, a great gal, but I think we all know whose side she's on.  And Castellanos? Pardon my ignorance, but I'm not familiar with him, either. One can't be familiar with EVERY pundit, after all. 

Oh! Christiana Amanpour is there! She can do anything she wants - I adore her. She can drink Gimlets and juggle for all I care. But wait. She's not an official pundit? She doesn't get to participate in the HD TV pundit card fun? Bah. That's ridiculous.

Okay! Here we go! Obama even has his flag pin on. 

Obama: Thank you, (everyone). Trickle down economics don't work. 

McCain: Thank you, (everyone). I'm a kindly old man and I want to give a shout out to Ted Kennedy, because I'm the ultimate bipartisan! Beware, fellow Americans, this is only the end of the beginning of the economic catastrophe, which only I can resolve. FEAR FEAR FEAR! Greed is rewarded, corruption is rewarded! I'll change all that! 

SheenaFury: You will? Really? How so?

Obama: The shit only hits the fan when the powerful rich who can hire lobbyists suffer.

McCain: Bend over labor, I'm about to kiss your ass! 

HD TV TREAT NEWS: Castellanos seems to be busiest on this newfangled device, he's given Obama and McCain one "bad" mark each, three "good" marks for McCain and two for Obama. Bennett is slow on the draw with only one "good" mark for McCain. Brazille has one "good" mark for McCain and two for Obama. Borger apparently can't figure out the buttons.

Obama: No trickle down economy, but bottom up economy!

McCain: I didn't win Miss Congeniality in the Senate.

SF: Did that crypt-keeper of a wife of yours win anything?

Obama: I don't know where John gets his numbers. BUSH BUSH BUSH. 

SF: If McCain thinks a $5000 tax credit will take care of a family's medical expenses, he must only have those "moles" removed once a year. I don't know who his doctor is but I guess they have a "relationship." Old Civil War buddies, mayhaps.

Obama: McCain wants to tax healthcare!

McCain gets a very tiny credit from SF for using the word "festooned."

The "audience reaction" lines at the bottom of the screen remain steady...or dead, maybe.

Obama: Oil companies will get a four billion dollar tax credit under McCain! Folks are declaring bankruptcies over medical bills! We need to educate our kids! The infrastructure needs repair! 

Obama chuckles at McCain's sarcasm: "He's so far to the left, it's hard to reach across the floor! Heh heh heh."

29 minutes and we've had NO specifics. Jim Lehrer begs these two to ANSWER THE QUESTIONS!

Obama: We must change the Lobbyist culture!

SF: Woot! Woot!

McCain: There must be a spending freeze on everything but military spending!

Obama: No more war spending!

SF: Woot! Woot!

McCain is proud of his work on the climate. 

SF: You mean on planet Earth?

Obama: What are our priorities? Giving the powerful tax cuts or fixing health care?

McCain: Obama has too many spending projects. Restrain spending!

Obama calls McCain out on his 90% agreement with Bush record.

McCain again refers to not having won Miss Congeniality. That must have been really hard on him what with the repetition.  No doubt he's a Sandra Bullock hater. 

McCain: The American people know me and Sarah well. We're MAVERICKS! I never agreed on war strategy, but NOW, after the SURGE, we are winning the war! VICTORY is at hand! 

Obama: But why did we go to war in the first place? We have to use our military wisely.

SF: Word, Barrack.

Meanwhile, on the pundit scorecard front, Bennet is surprisingly fair with three "good" marks for each candidate.  Hee! Castellanos has given Obama 11 "good" marks! That's four more than Begala, at 7. McCain is losing on everyone's circle-thingy scorecard. (Thank OGG I have HDTV!)

Uh oh. Obama goes on attack mode with McCain - you were WRONG, he says. You think the war began in 2007?

Obama doesn't know the difference between a tactic and a strategy, McCain retorts. There is peace and prosperity in Iraq now! And Obama voted "no" on defense spending!

Obama: McCain didn't care about the timetable. I did, which is why I didn't vote for spending.

We need more troops in Afghanistan!

McCain: Surgity McSurge Surge Surgey with Surge on top! McCain knows ALL about warmongering! There will be WINNING and VICTORY!

SF: Why must there be VICTORY and WINNING in Iraq? Haven't we put them through enough already? And, while we're on the subject, what exactly defines VICTORY and WINNING, please?

Obama wants more troops in Afghanistan, like, months and years ago. The Taliban and Al Qaeda are emboldened, yo! There WAS no AQ before we attacked Iraq, he points out. We must press the Afghan government. 

4763 brownie points for Obama, who is the first politician EVER to mention the eradication of the Afghan poppy fields. D'oh!  

Obama: We've given billions to Afghanistan and nothing has been accomplished.

McCain, who for some reason won't look at Obama, regrets the history of aiding Afghanistan and Pakistan. But he says he's not ready, like Obama the fierce warmonger (?!), to make an enemy of Pakistan. "Don't say things out loud," he advises Obama, concerning the very public plans Bush & Co. have to move into Pakistan on the sly. 

McCain: Don't ever talk out loud about invading Pakistan. I know Pakistan. I'm an expert on Pakistan. 

SF: Johnny! You didn't even know that Pakistan was a democracy before Musharraf staged a military coup!

Obama: Pot? Meet kettle. What about your remarks about the extinction of N. Korea? We alienated Pakistan when things were dandy! (He didn't really say "dandy." If it's not clear by now, I'm paraphrasing.) We coddled Musharraf! We spent 10 billion dollars and nothing has changed!

McCain: I don't think Obama understands. I supported Kosovo because of ethnic cleansing. I have a record of being involved. (Trots out "sad soldier story.") Mothers of dead soldiers! I was in a war! Look at me! We'll muddle through!

Obama: Obviously we honor our troops. What about decision making at home, though? We took our eye off Afghanistan. Muddle through? STFU, honky! 

Obama: Iraq's Republican Guard is a terrorist group now. Iran's power grew as result of war in Iraq. We must avoid a mid-east arms race. We need tough diplomacy. Not talking to people in order to punish them is stupid.

McCain becomes enraged. Talks with no preconditions? Give a propaganda forum for bad guys?It will legitimize them!

SF: Not so much, probably. I think we can rest assured that France, Brazil and California will not turn Muslim overnight.

Obama: Akmenahjidad (sp.?) may not be the most important guy in Iran. 

SF: Obama am SMART.

Obama: Kissinger, McCain's advisor, agrees with me. Diplomacy may not work all the time, but why not give it a try? With no engagement with N. Korea, they doubled their nuclear armaments. McCain won't even talk to Spain!

SF: Ay! Que bueno!

McCain: Obama doesn't seem to understand. It's DANGEROUS! Obama doesn't seem to understand. Obama doesn't seem to understand. Obama doesn't seem to understand. Obama doesn't seem to...cue, please?

Obama: We can't take action without talking first.

McCain: I've known Kissenger for 35 years! 

And now we move onto Russia...

Obama: The whole Russian deal needs to be re-evaluated. We need to affirm democracies in the region. We should insist that Georgia and Estonia be allowed to determine their future. Let's try concentrating on things we have in common - nuclear proliferation, etc. We have a new, aggresive regime in Russia. We can't stare into Putin's eyes and see his soul.

SF: Isn't he dreamy?

McCain: I was interested in Obama's recation to the Georgia invasion. He said "both sides need to show restraint." He just doesn't seem to understand. Russia is fueled by oil and is run by the KGB!  I saw it in Putin's eyes! 

SF: Does that mean Putin and GWB's bromance is off?

McCain: I have spent a lot of time in Estonia, dammit! I went to Georgia once! Ukraine is a very serious problem! DANGER! FEAR! TERROR!

Obama: I told Bush a long time ago, "We need to help fix the Georgian economy. Why are Russian peacekeepers in Georgia, anyway?" See? This is why we need our own energy to avoid these kind of problems. We can only produce 3% of the world's oil, but we use 25%.  McCain voted 24 times against new energy R&D! 

McCain (interrupting...again):  I feel safer now than on 9/11 in re terrorism at home. I am VERY proud of my LONG history of reaching across the aisle. Me and Leiberman called for a 9/11 commision. We were stymied at first! Intelligence needs to be improved. I KNOW our allies! 

SF: Of course we know that Palin will be helpful as she can SEE Russia. 

McCain: I was responsible for a huge reorganization of government!

Obama: We have a long way to go on national security - the ports, suitcase bombs, for example. We're spending billions on missile defense, but we need to focus on Al Qaeda. We need to get together with our allies. We need to work on our perception in the world. We must restore our good name so other nations will respect us.

SF: Woot! Woot!

McCain: Obama doesn't get it...he doesn't seem to understand. If we leave Iraq, everything will be lost! 

Obama: A sole focus on Iraq has failed. Bin Laden is still out there. We are borrowing billions from China in the meantime and China is all over the world now! Everything has been viewed from the small lens of Iraq. What about other happenings in the world? What about our economy/veteran affairs/healthcare? We've put all our chips into Iraq. We need broader strategic vision.

SF: I'm yours, Barrack! Take me!

McCain: I have been here for 156 years! I have been involved in everything ever! Obama is not experienced! Obama doesn't understand! I know Veterans. They know I'll take care of them! I love them! That's going to be my cause! I have EXPERIENCE! I don't need any "on the job training."

*Vets the country over fall out of their chairs, or hospital beds*

Obama speaks of his Kenyan father and the American Dream. Now? he says, we're fucked. (He didn't really say 'fucked' but I'm sure he wanted to.) Obama wants to send a message to the world that we will invest in education, we will need hardworking immigrants. Don't stop the dreaming, potential immigrants! Don't stop thinking about tomorrow!

Wait. Wrong election theme song.

McCain: I was in prison! I can heal the pains of war!

WAIT!!! McCain isn't wearing his flag pin!

Does Cindy's red pants-suit make up for that heinous oversight?

OFFICIAL CNN ANALYSIS:

Pundit Scorecards? Just as we expected - completely non-compelling.

Pundits agree that Obama held his own and was crisp, ready-to-go. Obama had a thread he kept coming back to - the economy. He held his own.

Bennet: Round One? Obama. Round Two? McCain. McCain was the sheriff because he was on offense, not defense. McCain was masterful in naming countries he had visited.

(A quick aside) John Lennon would THROW if he knew Cisco was using his song in their ad.

Begala: Obama did not look "risky." 

Castellanos: McCain could have been knocked out tonight, but he wasn't. 

Wolf Jackyl: McCain mispronounced the Pakistani president's name.

Begala: Obama thrashed McCain on Iraq. 

Borger: McCain was patronizing - indies won't like it.

Dana Bash at Ole Miss interviews McCain advisor femmebot #8.  She says that they couldn't rehearse because of the campaign suspension (that didn't really happen.) She lies continuously. Obama is not in the same league.

Biden (Joey the Shark): John McCain is "dead wrong" about everything. John is mired in the past. John lectures Obama but doesn't know the difference between strategy and tactics. He calls BS on the false veteran schlock. Joey the Shark looks forward to answers from Palin about where we go now in Iraq. McCain is going to give 300 billion to oil, Obama says give it to reinstate the Middle Class.

SF: Go Joey!

Amanpour: First, she defines "preconditions." It's a philosophical difference between the two candidates, she instructs. The "no talking" as a punishment strategy is not working. She laughs (really!) at McCain for forgetting Achmenijad's name.

SF asks for readers to give her some slack on that tricky Pakistani's name.

Kissinger is for negotiations with Iran! Make Iran study their argument. Boo! He issues a statement that McCain is right, he never said we should talk to our "enemies" without preconditions.

SF: But I just watched you say that, dude! On tape!

Gergen: McCain has a lot of Neocons around. 

Wolf Jackyl responds to e-mails about CNN not interviewing Palin when Joey the Shark got his turn. She's...not available, he offers.

Candace Crowley: Nothing new was said, but it's always interesting to see them together.

SF: Candy? (as GWB calls her) You are useless.

Brazille: Obama was confident, comfortable. McCain just had to show up. Low expectations.

SF: I recall using a quote by none other than GWB the other day...something about low expectations...hmmmmm.

Repub Bitch #73: Obama called McCain "John." That was disrespectful. Obama is so elitist, so professorial.

Begala: Future vs Past - Obama wins.

Anderson Cooper's polls show Obama winning the debate by a landslide. All network polls have Obama winning, in fact.

Amanpour: People all over the world want our good name reinstated.

Focus Group: People were frustrated. No solutions/no answers/few homeruns. Everyone hated McCain getting angry. NATO and Russia? Everyone wanted to hear more. Automatic dial-up for energy talk. Neither candidate answered the questions. Indies are still unable to decide.

Black Caucus focus group: No one is satisfied. They wanted to hear about things that bear on them. Obama should use more personal stories, someone suggests. McCain NEVER said the words "middle class." Instead, he said "Main Street."

Crazy drunk Repubs in Vegas: Many hoots. They love McCain! His experience! His knowledge of foreign leaders! 

SF: Low expectations win again. Interesting in light of foreclosures in Nevada, though. No urgency evident concerning the economy. If McCain goes with Bush's bailout plan, he'll be tied to Bush again. 

Anderson: Who won the economic argument? 

"Candy" Crowley: That isn't normally discussed in debates - specifics are rare.

Country and state-wide polls roll in: There is a huge gender gap - women favor Obama...and old people, too!

Gergin: Obama got very lucky that the economy was the focus of half the debate.

SF: Kicks Gergin in the shin.

And before we say "au revoir" to our Debate coverage, we learn that McCain's involvement in the wicked urgent economy talks was not much. The House Repubs don't like McCain and so he only served to get everyone mad, confuse the Plan beyond all recognition, and slow everything down. VICTORY!

And just one more little bit of advice for Obama? In the future, please refrain from using the word "orgy."

GO U.S.A.!

 

EXTRA EXTRA! First Blog Ever! Corporate Welfare or Bust!

I have been threatening to blog for quite a while, and I have chosen to begin today, September 24, 2008, a day on which we are facing an historical $700 billion bailout of the bankers and lenders of America – corporate welfare, no? – or else we will all end up homeless and poverty stricken. Panic! Terror! No one really seems to understand what all is involved in this quagmire of sub-prime mortgages and non-liquid assets and mortgages all lumped together and sold to third parties, only to be broken up again and sold to fourth parties. The pundits don’t get it. I certainly don’t get it. Even the Congressional and Senate Finance Committee members don’t get it. Four guys seem to get it. The four guys Bush is working with…those four guys.

Candidate McCain has just announced that he has suspended his campaign because the congressional/senate committees, with the help of the four guys (who are said to be the most learned economics experts in the country – one is neutral), need his experience and heroism immediately and who knows for how long. Even the upcoming Presidential debate is in jeopardy, McCain is so integral to the solving of this economic catastrophe. Most Dems and Repubs, both official and laymen, along with the MEDIA, are gobsmacked. Truth is? I’ve been pleasantly surprised by many of the Repubs, who are not going into that good night gently. The American public? Pissed awf.

Is this a McCain stunt, a la the “gas holiday,” and the Barbie Bitch Palin? Is this an economic disaster that only POW Superhero McCain can miraculously and tidily fix? If that happens, everything evil about politics I have suspected is true. When you eliminate the sadness and anger, it’s really kind of funny. It's literally fantastic that a group of people could wreak such havoc with American rules and laws and social standards, whilst laughing all the way to their yachts. When you write anonymously on an anonyomous tool of communication, the Internet, you can write whatever you want, correct? I have a lot to write. I hope very little of it will be about McCain.

I saw Naomi Klein on Bill Maher's HBO show yesterday. I love that show.

*half the people reading this click out* 

I know, he can be weasely, and I hate when he talks about sex, but he provides the very best forum for open conversation on TV today, and there are usually a lot of yuks. I know I’ll always be infotained. Anyway, Klein's theory (I’ve not yet read the book) in The Shock Doctrine is that Bush and Sons Inc. create disasters in order to finally fix them, employing their friends, of course.

I’ve read many, many “conspiracy theories.” I hate that term. It connotes craziness. Some things that were considered “conspiracy theories” at first have gone on to become absolutely true. Some “conspiracy theories” are so in your face it’s a wonder everyone can’t see them. It’s like a remote control car that keeps knocking willy nilly against the wall. Over and over and over. Are people blind or crazy or stubborn not to see what is so blatantly obvious? The weather, for example, has been wildly abnormal. What could be the cause? Could it be deeper than the now obvious global warming?

Why do we need this extremely complex economic malfunction remedied, like, yesterday? No one has sufficiently explained the answer to that question yet. The public clearly distrusts politicians in general. Will we, as American citizens, collectively get it this time? Orrin Hatch assures us that this is typical hero behavior from the hero McCain. It’s all Clinton’s fault, anyway, he says. He redlined these crappy loans in the first place, Orrin declares. Maxine Waters proclaims that "they did not have their eye on the ball." I'll bet GWB lurved him some sub prime loans, though.  He probably plays horseshoes with the guys who somehow got rich off it all.

Lou Dobbs has found a way to blame the illegal immigrants. Really? Geez, I’ve never seen Barney Franks look so beat, man. What if the problem is even worse than we think? What if there is no crisis at all, but for the fast-talking of the red-colored ones. (Hey – that’s a little like the Bloods and the Crips. One side wear blue - the Crips - and the other side wear red - the Bloods. Street gangs fascinate me, as do issues of race.) Anyway, we Americans are so silly with the taking of sides and assigning of colors – like sports teams and racism. 

McCain should be on the phone right now to Chris Matthews telling him to shut his pie-hole about the Debate. If he doesn’t show up, he’s toast...and we'll be toasting. I’m sure he’ll go, though. Ah – I’m vindicated by Clarence Page of the Chicago Times. McCain BETTER debate. He was supposed to be the master debater, right? Not to be confused with...yeah.

Since this is my first blog ever, I feel I should make some sort of Mission Statement. How will you know what you can look forward to reading, otherwise? Let’s say I plan to address a wide scope of topics: Religion and politics will be biggies. Not cocktail chat. Race and racism, culture (both real and manufactured), philosophy, entertainment! I’m an L.A. girl at heart though I have lived in San Francisco for a long time. I feel safe here. I will probably write whatever I feel like writing at any given time but I imagine my character will reveal itself very early. Today I’m focusing on this indeed historic day, when corporate welfare with a dash of socialism made its debut in full blossoming color. Most of it red.

Forty percent of Americans think that Sarah Palin is capable of being President. "The bigotry of low expectations." That’s a rawkin' GWB quote, in fact. How is it that McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, was receiving $30,000 from Fannie Mae every month until last month? Is anyone out there alarmed by this fact? Obama’s numbers should be soaring, though polls aren't worth a single turd, I say. Maybe the Republican Party really has gone FUBAR? Bush has now, even as I write, invited Obama and McCain to a confab tomorrow, perhaps in an effort to repair being FUBAR. Bush and McCain will save the day together. 

Hey! I like sports!

That’s for all of you guys out there, lest you think I’m a whiny, liberal, underarm hair growing nazifem hippie type. Let me just share that I am one edgy chick. Concrete Jungle Queen am I. Eighty percent Fury and twenty percent kitten.

Oh, my. As I write while following the news, I see that we finally have a joint statement from Obama and McCain. Only Obama has written an attached non-joint statement. They’ll definitely call that uppity. I think it’s amusing that he demanded to have his own statement “protecting” the little guy. And now that things are at status quo on the political/corporate welfare front, I can watch America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway tonight.

National Rescue Plan. That must be newspeak for bailout. GWB looks great! He’s tan and less wrinkly than usual. G. “Frat Boy” W.B. looks downright calm. He has toned down his inner cowboy vibe and he appears somehow unnecessary. He says our “entire econmoy” is in danger. Mayhem is waiting to descend. My first question is – why did we just find out about this and why do we have to react IMMEDIATELY? Henny Penny, the sky is falling! Or, this could be a genuine crisis. It’s impossible to tell right now. I wonder what Naomi Klein has to say. Disaster…fix-it. Imagine if they’d moved their asses after Katrina.

As we approach the end of the newsday (only Anderson Cooper 360 is left and cute as he is, I don’t think he’s an economics whiz), the general feeling is not panic, but confusion. Widespread confusion; Confusion at the Disco!; confusion-stricken; confusion attack; confusion in the streets!   

I hope ANTM is good tonight.